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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
Dec. 8, 2006
/ 17 Kislev, 5767
A stiff's upper lip
By
Gene Weingarten
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
I was recently invited to be the celebrity judge of a Manly Mustache Contest held by a local charity. I considered it an enormous honor, inasmuch as I am well-known for my distinctive and, if I may say, lush mustache. The contest was held at a hot Washington venue, with hundreds of hot, hip people in attendance, laughing, drinking and dancing to hot, hip music. It was not until I got there that I realized two important facts: (1) Aside from the contestants who had grown their mustaches specifically for this event as a humiliating fundraising stunt I appeared to be the only guy present who actually had a mustache. (2) My mustache was older, in years, than any other entire human in the room. Now, I think of myself as a pretty observant individual. But, evidently, at some point when I wasn't looking, mustaches went seriously out of fashion. My family has just dryly informed me that, yes, this occurred sometime between when the Beatles broke up and the Shah fled Iran. I've been busy, okay? Many black men still wear mustaches and look cool, but black men seem cool no matter what they look like. Basically, any black man. Steve Urkel: cooler than me. But when you search the Web for an under-65 white guy role model with a mustache and no accompanying beard, this is what you get: Geraldo. Also, the Super Mario Bros. And so I have had to come to the realization that when people look at me, it is as though they are examining a fossil. It's as though they are looking at one of those tacky commemorative presidential plates specifically that run of jowly old coots after Lincoln, the guys with names like Rutherford and Chester and Grover, whose faces resembled the hind-quarters of marsupials. All of this has been hard for me to accept, because when I began growing my mustache it was the summer of 1969 facial hair was pretty cool. Even from the start, though now that I think of it there was something wrong: My mustache was two weeks old when I arrived at Woodstock, meaning that I looked exactly like a narc attempting to blend in. It explains a lot, in retrospect, including the fact that I wasn't invited into quite as many joyously festive communal activities as I had hoped. The mustache I wound up growing in the 1960s is still pretty much the one I have now: a modified Fu Manchu, full over the lip, with dangly sidepieces. When I grew it, I was perhaps a little less of a solid citizen, as measured by the average number of federal, state and municipal statutes violated in a standard week. The mustache fit what I thought was my personality, and with the description of the fictional Fu, a brilliant, sinister criminal mastermind, as described by his creator, Sax Rohmer: "Imagine a person, tall, lean and feline, high-shouldered, with a brow like Shakespeare and a face like Satan . . . Invest him with . . . one giant intellect, with all the resources of science past and present. Imagine that awful being, and you have a mental picture of Dr. Fu-Manchu."
That was me, as far as I could see. A baaaad dude. And somehow, over the years, I have clung always to this mustache, and I suppose that hard self-image, even when the rest of me softened, like brie left in the sun. At the contest, one organizer asked me if I ever plan to lose this mustache. I actually have a stock, smart-aleck answer to this question that I have used before: I will lose it, I say, only to chemotherapy. I began to give this answer, but, in mid- sentence suddenly remembered to my horror that the profits from the event were going to a children's cancer charity. Dr. Fu would have plowed right ahead. But my answer came out this way: "I will lose this mustache only to . . . ah, ah, ah, ah, uh, ah well, maybe a razor, I guess." My point is, I'm keeping the mustache. It's all I have left.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.
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