Jewish World Review Dec. 28, 2006 / 7 Teves, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Saddam Hussein's death sentence was upheld by an Iraqi appeals court Tuesday and he faces execution by hanging any day. The verdict was right on schedule. The day after Christmas, people always take their unwanted stuff to the returns desk.
Britney Spears got a visit last week from Child Protective Services after her hard partying made the papers. Since the warning she's dyed her hair back to her natural brunette hair color. It is a procedure known in show business as retirement.
James Brown was eulogized Tuesday after passing away on Christmas Day. He always said he was the father of disco, the father of rap and the father of hip-hop. In his memory, the Indianapolis Pacers observed one day without a nightclub shooting.
Saudi Arabia welcomed hundreds of thousands of pilgrims to Mecca Tuesday for the Hajj, in which celebrants walk around a holy shrine. There is no swearing and no violence and no sex. They can't sell the movie rights no matter how hard they try.
Phoenix Airport delayed use of the new security scanner that can see through clothes Tuesday. Women are very upset by it. You just know that a year from now the scanner will be hand-sized and free with each subscription to Sports Illustrated.
Fidel Castro was examined by a top doctor from Spain Tuesday and told he was cancer-free and en route to recovery. The man is indestructible. Bobby Kennedy used to spend one hour every day trying to kill him as part of his exercise routine.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had surgery Tuesday to repair the leg he broke while skiing. He was under heavy sedation for two hours. Whoever gave him the album John Kerry Live at the Comedy Store saved him the cost of an anesthesiologist.
Johns Hopkins released a study Monday saying Iran may be unable to drill any oil in eight years due to widespread mismanagement. It's an intelligence coup. Infiltrating Iran's oil company with laid-off Ford executives was a stroke of genius.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton