Jewish World Review Dec. 26, 2006 / 5 Teves, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell engaged in a bitter war of words Friday. The situation is deteriorating. When he offered to buy her dinner at the Russian Tea Room and she asked him to Taco Bell, the mayor threatened to arrest them for dueling.
Dulles Airport managers in Washington were stopped Friday from deep-frying a turkey at a holiday party in the airport offices. It was insane. If that deep fryer had exploded in the middle of an airport we would have been at war with Iran by nightfall.
Bill Clinton's two-year term as U.N. Special Envoy for Tsunami Recovery comes to an ends today. He promised the general assembly he will be there in case a tsunami ever strikes again. You just can't keep Bill Clinton away from a wet T-shirt contest.
The Queen, starring Helen Mirren, won best picture at the Toronto Film Critics Association Friday. The producers didn't make much money. It's an act of charity to distribute a movie that makes everybody else feel better about their own in-laws.
The San Francisco Giants hit a contract snag with Barry Bonds last week. He wants his full salary paid to him next year even if he gets indicted. Everybody wants to have the benefits of being in Congress without the bother of running for it.
The U.S. and Britain sent naval ships to the Persian Gulf Wednesday. At last we're getting somewhere. If Iranians wonder who controls the seas and how long they have controlled the seas, they need to ask themselves why dolphins understand English.
Senator John Kerry and Senator Chris Dodd went to Damascus Wednesday to meet with Syria's president Bashar Assad. It was an extraordinary trip. They were the first American politicians in forty years allowed to address the Shrapnel Convention.
The View had Hillary Clinton as the show's guest on Wednesday. She discussed a White House run. She said the country's never had a mother as president, but then, she was only four years old when Harry Truman nationalized the steel industry.
Cuba's acting president Raul Castro promised Thursday that he will make fewer speeches and do a better job of power sharing. He insists to anybody who will listen that he's just filling in for his brother. It works on the mistresses, anyway.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton