Jewish World Review Dec. 19, 2006 / 28 Kislev, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Donald Trump threatened to strip Miss USA Tara Connor of her title Wednesday for drinking and doing drugs in New York nightclubs. This isn't the last we will hear of her. She's coming to Los Angeles to seek custody of Britney Spears' children.
The Democratic Party was reported on Friday to be considering Denver and New York for the next convention site. There's a real conflict of interest. Hillary might represent New York but Bill's on the board of directors of the Mile High Club.
Rosie O'Donnell apologized to Asian-Americans Thursday for mocking the Chinese language on The View. It hasn't stopped her from working. Next week she's doing a holiday special with Michael Richards and Mel Gibson called A David Duke Christmas.
The Golden Globes voted Warren Beatty the Lifetime Achievement Award. During his career he's played a bank robber, a womanizer, a communist and a mobster. For forty years the Democratic nomination for president has been his for the asking.
Nintendo recalled all the wrist straps on the Wii video game controllers last week. The announcement caused a panic in Washington. Congress thought they heard all the wrist slaps had been recalled and prison time seemed like a real possibility.
John Kerry flew to Syria against State Department wishes Friday to meet with Syria's President Bashar Assad about ways to help pacify Iraq. This could cause a diplomatic incident. All he has to do is open with one of his jokes, and it's war.
Chicago Bears defensive lineman Tank Johnson was cited last week for having six unregistered firearms in his home. Cops found two high caliber submachine guns with a four-hundred-yard range. This gun once wrote a book called It Takes Out a Village.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton