Jewish World Review Dec. 15, 2006 / 24 Kislev, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Nicole Richie was arrested in Burbank for driving while under the influence of drugs. Her weight was listed as eighty-five pounds. She didn't always weigh eighty-five pounds, but this is what happens when you drive drunk through Taco Bell.
Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker's son launched a ministry from a saloon Tuesday and will serve alcohol during church. This will never get off the ground. People who might enjoy a drink during worship service will never leave the Episcopalian Church.
Democrats and Republicans in Washington prayed Thursday for the recovery of Senator Tim Johnson after he underwent emergency brain surgery. Some prayed harder than others. You've never seen so many pro-life Democrats in the Senate at the same time.
Al Gore on Tuesday arranged viewing parties for the Hollywood crowd to watch An Inconvenient Truth. He had better hope he doesn't win an Oscar. The contents of that gift bag will look pretty silly on his tax returns if he runs for president.
David Duke accused CNN's Wolf Blitzer of being an agent for Israel in an interview Wednesday. He's a tormented man. When Siegfried and Roy were attacked onstage a couple of years ago, David Duke didn't know whether to root for the white tiger or the German.
The U.S. Court of Appeals threw out Nebraska's ban on corporate farming Monday. The state was trying to keep people from leaving their farms. Now they're going to have to go back to the old method of keeping people on the farm: overseers and dogs.
Monday Night Football began last week with a parody announcement by Senator Barack Obama. He's the first candidate ever to admit he snorted cocaine in his youth. He's in a contest with Bill Clinton to see who's the first president to start out in the band.
NASA ordered American astronauts and Russian cosmonauts on the International Space Station to take cover, only two days after the Americans got there, when a solar flare exploded and unleashed a wave of dangerous radiation. Everything's right on time. The Americans had two meals with the Russians before the radiation arrived.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton