Jewish World Review Dec. 12, 2006 / 21 Kislev, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Paramount Studios is hyping its Christmas Day release of Dreamgirls, based on the rise of the Supremes. For ten days beforehand they're offering previews and charging twenty-five dollars a ticket. It wouldn't be Motown if you weren't mugged going into the theater.
The Cincinnati Bengals on Friday had their sixth drunk-driving arrest by a team member this year. Management is taking action. Each Bengal has been given one of those new Lexuses that automatically pulls into the nearest AA meeting and parks.
Hillary Clinton hosts Iowa Democrats at her house in Washington tonight, then she will fly up to New Hampshire. While she's out campaigning for president, her husband will be on his own. This is a marriage that works for both political parties.
U.S. Senator Barack Obama flew to New Hampshire to deliver a speech Sunday. He told a sold-out crowd of cheering Democratic activists that America is ready to turn the page. Apparently Democrats have learned nothing from the Mark Foley scandal.
Democratic Congressman William Jefferson of New Orleans was reelected Saturday in a runoff election. He's the congressman with the ninety thousand dollars cash found in his freezer. All the people who defrauded FEMA deserve representation, too.
The New York City Board of Health on Friday banned the use of trans fats in New York restaurant kitchens to reduce heart-clogging cholesterol. It's no problem in California. Most people in Los Angeles drive too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Tony Blair said in a broadcast Tuesday that immigrants must adopt the English language and English customs and English institutions to fit in. It caused outrage. This is the last time he'll be invited to give the Mexican president's weekly radio address.
Saddam Hussein's nephew escaped from prison in Iraq on Saturday with the help of a police officer. He was in prison for rape and murder and grand theft. Uncle Saddam always gave a new car to the niece or the nephew who showed the most promise.
The Transportation Department was asked by Muslim groups Thursday to provide airport prayer areas for them. What the airports really need are separate lounges for people in show business. On every flight to Los Angeles, all the passengers talk about are the latest bombs they've made and the next pilot they're going to shoot.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton