Jewish World Review Dec. 11, 2006 / 20 Kislev, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Dallas Cowboys star Terrell Owens threw himself a party for his thirty-third birthday on the Sunset Strip in Hollywood Monday. He got tired of answering the same question over and over. Everybody wanted to know the secret to living so long.
Rodney King was arrested by cops in Pasadena Tuesday following a disturbance in a local department store. This can only mean one thing. To help make ends meet during the holidays, Michael Richards is working as a greeter at Bloomingdale's.
Taco Bell reported on Thursday that bacteria which sickened customers in New York came from tainted green onions and spinach from California. That's no problem in Los Angeles. We consider throwing up to be one of the benefits of eating vegetables.
Jimmy Carter blames Israel for blocking peace in the Middle East in his new book Peace Not Apartheid, which was published Friday. In the book he accuses Israelis of oppressing the Arabs. It's enough to get you pulled over for drunk driving in Malibu.
The USS Intrepid was finally unstuck by twenty tugboats from the muddy banks of the Hudson River's western shore Thursday after a month of pulling. They had to be really careful. It is against New Jersey law to disturb a union burial ground.
NASA released photos of Mars Tuesday showing hillside gullies that indicate the presence of water on the Red Planet. Water by itself isn't enough to sustain life. If NASA wants to get serious funding they're going to have to find signs of alcohol.
Hillary Clinton invited New Hampshire Democrats to her home in Washington D.C. for dinner Sunday. She invited Iowa Democrats to her home for dinner Tuesday. She likes to meet with these people in the one place she knows her husband won't show up.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton