Jewish World Review Dec. 5, 2006 / 14 Kislev, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Southern California was ablaze Sunday in brushfires that ringed the suburbs of Camarillo and Moorpark. It's obvious what's going on. Wal-Mart found something faster than haggling with city councils for permission to build on the edge of town.
The Weather Channel reported Sunday that the first winter storm of the year swept the nation last week. Only Southern California escaped its path. It was so beautiful in Los Angeles Saturday that Michael Richards went to the beach and apologized there.
Snoop Dogg was arrested in Burbank last week when cops searched the rap star's car and found a handgun, cocaine and marijuana. He's in real trouble now. When you get a gift bag from the Grammy Awards you are supposed to declare it as income.
Snoop Dogg was arrested in Burbank for drugs after he appeared on the Tonight Show last week. He's a rap music legend. He's the only guy in Los Angeles who heard Michael Richards's racist rant and offered him a hundred grand for the lyrics.
Saddam Hussein's attorneys in Baghdad filed an appeal of his death sentence. There are other things we could give him. Considering what we've learned about the Iraqi people, it might be in order to give Saddam Hussein a medal for crowd control.
Indiana Senator Evan Bayh said Sunday he is forming an exploratory committee for a run at the Democratic nomination. Everyone agrees he's a real long shot. No one knows if the Democratic Party is ready to nominate a white male for president.
Hillary Clinton enlisted Democrats for her presidential campaign Sunday. She has ten million dollars and she has Bill Clinton. The only one who can match her advantage in free tabloid coverage is Kevin Federline, and he's not old enough to run.
Democrats were warned by restaurant owners and retailers Thursday not to raise the minimum wage by two dollars an hour as they promised during the election campaign. Where's their Christmas spirit? What American worker couldn't use another two dollars an hour to pay off the coyote who brought him across the border.
John Kerry said Wednesday it's time for America to move on from his failed joke that insulted U.S. troops. That's the least of his problems. John Kerry still thinks he's presidential timber, but everybody else knows Al Gore has the tree vote sewn up.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton