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February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
Dec. 30, 2005
/ 29 Kislev, 5766
Eau de Toilet: Confronting my fear of fragrance
By
Gene Weingarten
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
I think women smell great. That is why I dislike perfume. I want women to smell like women, and not the sitting room of a 19th-century San Francisco bordello. That may be extreme, but I know I am not alone. Several famous men have shared my distaste for perfume, among them Adolf Hitler, which is one reason I seldom mention it.
Still, it bothers me. I once lived in a region of the country that seemed to have a perfume-based culture. At social gatherings, women revolved around the room like planets, each with her own distinctive atmosphere. When two were in close proximity, I feared some terrible, quasi-gravitational climatic event.
Because she knows my feelings about perfume, my wife seldom, if ever, wears it, which fills me with both gratitude and guilt. Both these emotions came into play recently when I was on Fifth Avenue in New York City. I decided to at last confront my biases and shop for perfume with an open mind; my goal was to buy my wife a present she'd never forget, if for no other reason than it is the least likely present she'd ever expect from me, other than, say, a gift certificate for butt enlargement surgery.
Manhattan establishments that sell perfume do not have sensible, helpful names like "The Olde Perfume Warehouse" or "Perfumes Inc." They have names like "Gianfranco Abattoir Ltd.," and the only clue that they sell perfume is that there is no perfume or perfume-like product in the window. The windows display scenes like a scowling, naked female mannequin contemplating a rooster.
One place had a small sign identifying itself as a "perfumery," so I walked in with some small measure of confidence, which evaporated immediately like the best perfume the instant I saw the young woman at the counter. She wore a distractingly tight sweater, perfectly applied makeup, knife-blade eyebrows, and that stony, forbidding expression you'd expect to find on a croupier at a casino. I stammered that I would like to see some perfumes. She stared patronizingly. "You mean 'fragrances?'"
That was my first lesson. You must never call it perfume, even if the sign outside says "Perfumery," and the little bottles are labeled "perfume." Or, more precisely, "parfum."
Calling French perfume "pricey" is a significant understatement, like calling a tsunami "moist." Your typical ounce costs a C-note. I decided that I was going to shop intelligently and not lose my head.
Immediately, I lost my head. I blame it on the fumes, but it may also be because perfume saleswomen tend to be young and lovely and will frequently, without sufficient warning, offer you their necks to smell. The fact is, after about half an hour of perfume shopping, I was cheerfully looking at $150 liquids in quantities that could fit in a contact lens case.
Fortunately for me, everything stank. In store after store, women spritzed fragrances onto little cardboard cards that they grandly offered to me like sous-chefs presenting their pieces de resistance. Invariably, all I would smell was easy virtue. True, each was different: There was Marseille waterfront strumpet, 42nd Street flophouse whore, Monte Carlo gigolo, and so forth. Some resembled the bathroom deodorant my ma used to use. I liked those the most.
Eventually, I found myself at a Guerlain counter. Because the saleswomen seemed friendly, I decided to throw myself on their mercy. I will call them Gwendolen and Cecily. I explained to them how much I love my wife, and how nothing is too good for her, but that I did not wish her to smell like, you know, a streetwalking skank. They nodded knowingly and began pushing samples. It was just more of the same.
I was about to leave when Gwendolen said, "Show him this," and Cecily said, "Yes, why don't we?" I took a whiff, and, suddenly, the fog cleared. This was everything I had been looking for. A delicate, sensuous aroma, autumnal, more woody than floral, flirtatious yet demure, effortlessly feminine, not desperate. "This is it!" I gasped.
Meanwhile, Cecily and Gwendolen were shooting each other a certain cautious look. They began to speak at once, a babble of enthusiastic salesmanship. I didn't catch it all. So much was blotted out in the cacophonic rush of blood to my brain.
"Limited edition . . ."
"Signed and numbered . . ."
"Tunisian neroli oil . . ."
"Those are actually cultured freshwater pearls beneath the atomizer . . ."
The fragrance is called Plus Que Jamais, which means More Than Ever, which answers the eternal question: "How much did you spend for this present, darling, compared with anything else you've bought me?"
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.
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