Jewish World Review Dec. 30, 2005 / 29 Kislev, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Detroit and Tokyo carmakers announced Tuesday they are
widening car seats to meet the needs of overweight American
drivers. Wider cars won't help solve the obesity epidemic in the
United States. McDonald's will just widen the drive-throughs.
Variety reported a disappointing Christmas box office
Tuesday. Hollywood can only blame itself. When the plot lines
include girl meets ape, two gay cowboys, and a singing and dancing
Hitler, the Red States are just grateful to have football.
The New York Jets lost on Monday, entering the worst-NFL-
record contest to draft Reggie Bush. The trick on Sunday is to
lose without looking like they're trying to lose. They're thinking
of bringing in Pete Rose to deliver the pre-game pep talk.
Bill Clinton's impeachment, it was reported Monday, is not
explained in the new junior high history books. It's not the
place. Andrew Johnson's impeachment is covered in the history
books and Bill Clinton's impeachment is covered in sixth grade health.
Congressional auditors said Wednesday the Army can't account
for sixty-eight million dollars worth of items shipped to
contractors last year. It's not so bad. They're at war in two
countries and all they've lost is two dozen toilet seats.
The U.N. election official in Iraq validated the parliamentary election held there last week. The new parliament is now going through orientation. Last night Baghdad television showed the movie Gunfight at the OK Corral under the title Question Time.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton