Jewish World Review Dec. 29, 2005 / 28 Kislev, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Boston Red Sox former reliever Jeff Reardon held up a
jewelry store in Palm Beach because he forgot to take his
depression medication. They could tell by his robbery note. It
demanded all the money in the cash register, not that it will help.
The Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Bureau assured
incoming tourists Monday the city will be heavily guarded on New
Year's. There's very little danger. The terrorists would never
attack a Mafia holy site, if only out of professional courtesy.
Wayne Newton said Monday he can't find celebrities willing
to go to Iraq and entertain troops. They never used to be afraid
of dying. Those who are too young to have partied with Richard
Pryor are old enough to have partied with Charlie Sheen.
Italy finalized its security plans for the Winter Olympics
next month. Italy has bipartisan support in America. Republicans
admire Italy as the seat of the ancient Roman Empire and Democrats
could never say no to the birthplace of Casanova.
House Democrats accused the Homeland Security Department Tuesday of failing to secure our chemical plants from attack. They're barking up the wrong tree. If they want to make medical marijuana safe they are going to have to elect a Democrat.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton