Jewish World Review Dec. 26, 2005 / 25 Kislev, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
New York subways were back Friday after the transit strike
ended. For three days people were begging cabs to pick them up.
New York cab drivers haven't felt so personally powerful since
they found out India and Pakistan have nuclear weapons.
The Washington D.C. City Council broke its deal Friday to
build a Major League Baseball stadium. They missed out on a
lucrative way to sell luxury seats. Think of all the money
congressmen would have paid not to be seated next to an indicted lobbyist.
Kate Moss faces an investigation by London police after
newspapers published photographs that showed her snorting cocaine.
She has chosen a very dangerous way of life. The top cause of
death among supermodels is falling through the street grates.
Bolivia elected coca grower Evo Morales its president
Tuesday on his promise to legalize cocaine production. Already
he's calling for currency overhaul. He has asked Kate Moss to be
the model for the figure of liberty on Bolivia's dime bag.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were reported Friday to be
getting married just as soon as their divorces are final. That's
easier said than done. An equitable divorce settlement in
Hollywood means each party gets fifty percent of the publicity.
Pakistan said Friday an al-Qaeda leader they captured was
out to assassinate President Bush, but no one believes it. George
Bush could walk through Baghdad at high noon and the terrorists
would hold their fire. That's how scary Dick Cheney is.
The Patriot Act was resuscitated for five weeks by Congress
Friday after the Senate killed it and then revived it for six
months. It's alive then it's dead, then it's alive and then it's
dead. No one can wait to see the sequel, Bride of Patriot Act.
Senator Ted Kennedy said Friday that Sam Alito belonged to a Princeton alumni group that believed affirmative action lowers standards. The senator strongly supports quotas. Over the weekend he had a quota Scotch, a quota bourbon, and a half-quota Kahlua.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2005, Argus Hamilton