Jewish World Review Dec. 2, 2005 / 1 Kislev, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Barry Bonds revealed Tuesday he plans to change his physique
and lose forty pounds next season. It illustrates how athletes
have different metabolisms. Michael Irvin gained forty pounds when
his supplier was convicted and sent to jail.
Saddam Hussein was the talk of the Arab world after his
court appearance on Monday. His hair was dyed black with gray
sideburns and he wore a sport jacket with no necktie. The Queer
Eye for the Straight Guy team has worked its magic again.
French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin in an interview
Tuesday insisted the Paris car burnings indicated social unrest
and were not a riot. The protesters burned and destroyed seventeen
hundred Renaults. Think of the lives that were saved.
The Seattle Times reported Wednesday a man pleaded guilty to
trespassing in a neighbor's barn and having sex with a horse. He
was not charged with animal cruelty. Sending the horse candy and
flowers might have saved him six years in jail.
California U.S. Congressman Duke Cunningham confessed
Tuesday to taking bribes from defense contractors. His plan seemed
foolproof. He accepted a Rolls-Royce, a yacht and a two-million-
dollar home in Rancho Santa Fe, where nobody would notice.
Senator Hillary Clinton enunciated a careful new policy Wednesday on the war in Iraq, saying she doesn't favor leaving troops in Iraq indefinitely or pulling them out now. It's pretty clear where she's getting these lines. Last night Hillary forgot the headset was on and she hit on two blondes at the subway station.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton