Jewish World Review Dec. 1, 2005 / 29 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Sen. Arlen Specter threatened the NFL over the treatment of
Terrell Owens Tuesday. The senator is outraged that the star won't
be allowed to play following his suspension. He may be a strutting
peacock and a camera hog, but so is Terrell Owens.
The Philadelphia Eagles had a fan arrested Sunday for
running onto the field and throwing ashes everywhere. He told
reporters they were his mother's ashes. Michael Irvin says the same
thing to the Dallas cops every time they ask him what's in the baggie.
Michael Irvin said the crack pipe found in his car by police
Friday belonged to a friend in rehab. He put a lot of thought into
that story. His second choice was to say that anybody who suggests
it was his crack pipe is only hurting our troops.
Pennsylvania wildlife officials said Tuesday a giant black
bear in the woods near Harrisburg bit a hunter after he had shot
it four times. There's no local sympathy for the bear. This is the
part of Pennsylvania where a Russian's a Russian.
FCC Chairman Kevin Martin told the Senate Commerce Committee
Tuesday that cable and satellite TV should be forced to comply
with Congress' decency standards. Who could object to that?
Congress' decency standards inspired the topless bar in The Sopranos.
Congressman Duke Cunningham pleaded guilty to accepting cash, fur coats, antique furniture, silver candelabras and a Rolls-Royce. The evidence is dismaying. A war hero is the last guy anybody would have suspected of being a Liberace impersonator.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton