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Jewish World Review Dec. 13, 2005 / 12 Kislev, 5766 Hillary supports giving flags right to vote By Andy Borowitz Attempt to position herself as centrist, observers say http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Having already supported a constitutional amendment banning flag-burning, Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-New York) raised the ante today, proposing a new amendment that would give flags the right to vote. At a press conference in Washington, Sen. Clinton proposed universal suffrage for the red, white and blue in what some observers called a canny maneuver to position herself as a centrist. "It's been said that these colors don't run," Sen. Clinton told reporters. "In recognition of that, these colors should vote." By proposing that flags be given the right to vote, Sen. Clinton may be securing her political future, since American flags are estimated to number in the billions and the lion's share of them would presumably vote for her out of gratitude. Not to be outdone, President Bush held a press conference today to announce that he favored a constitutional amendment giving flags the right to bear arms. "If someone tries to burn a flag, the flag should have the right to defend itself, and that means shoot to kill," Mr. Bush said. Sen. Clinton also addressed the flag-burning issue later in the day, proposing universal health care for all flags who are burn victims. She added that more government money was needed to give flags the housing, education, and job training they need in today's competitive world economy. "It takes a village to raise a flag," she said. Elsewhere, Albert Einstein did not devise the theory of relativity as originally thought but was the lead singer of the Miami Sound Machine, according to a new biography published online today by Wikipedia. Andy's Archives Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. BOROWITZ'S LATEST "The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers"   This book has page after page of "news stories" too hot, too controversial, too   —   yes, shocking   —   for the mainstream press to handle. Sales help fund JWR. Comment by clicking here. JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. © 2005, Andy Borowitz

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