In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Dec. 9, 2005 / 8 Kislev, 5766

With a huff and puff the kids are on the phone

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | There was a time when I could answer the phone, hear heavy breathing and know it was an obscene phone call.

Today when I answer the phone and hear heavy breathing, I know it is probably one of the kids.

If I answer the phone, say hello and hear shallow panting against a background noise similar to cattle stampeding, it is the youngest calling from college.

"Hi, Mom pant, huff, gasp — I'm between classes huff, puff, gulp — on my way to another building. Walk me to class?"

Walk her to class? I'm miles from campus, but sure, I can walk her to class.

"So, how's the sidewalk?" I ask. "They still making it that same ugly shade of gray?"

She says something, but I can't make out what. Her breathing grows heavier and the phone is jostling so much that I can only make out every fifth word. "Paper . . . pant, huff, puff . . . weekend . . . whoo, whoo, whoo. . . fire . . . pant, gasp, pant. . . bye.

It could be she has a paper to work on over the weekend and is fired up about the football game. Or it could be a paper was too close to the stove over the weekend and she set the apartment kitchen on fire. There's no way to know. Either way, it was sure nice talking to her.

"Call me the next time you go to the library!" I shout into the phone. That's a farther walk, which means we can talk longer.

If I pick up the phone and hear short little gasps with a click, click, click in the background, this would be the kid wearing dress shoes, leaving her stint at a hospital late at night and wanting company while she walks through the parking lot.

"Nice of you to call," I say.

"Well, (wheeze) I have a couple of minutes."

Or less. When I hear the clinking of keys and ding, ding, ding (the door chime) it means she has reached her car and the conversation is about to come to an abrupt end.

The other day I picked up the phone and heard an unfamiliar "ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee." breathing pattern.

"Who is this?" I demanded to know.

"It's your son."

"Well, you're scaring me because that is the breathing pattern your dad and I learned for transitional labor in our Lamaze class. You're not pregnant, are you?'

"No, but ha, ha, hee — hold on a sec."

The scream of a siren and a terrific roar blast through the phone.

"What's going on? It sounds like you're standing on a train track."

"Almost," he huffed and puffed. "That was the El at the same time a cop car shot by. I'm running to the platform ha, ha,

ha, hee, hee, hee — to catch my train — thought we could talk on the way."

I'm glad they call. I just never pictured myself as running an escort service.

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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.


© 2005, Lori Borgman