Jewish World Review Dec. 8, 2003 / 13 Kislev, 5764

The Secaucus Peace Plan

By Jeff Dunetz

Making Peace ... the Colin Powell Way

http://www.jewishworldreview.com | This week the world's news media has been filled with glowing reports about the Geneva Peace Plan. It's an Israeli-Palestinian treaty that was negotiated and signed by some private citizens who had no authority from their respective governments. Their effort, funded mostly by the Swiss government, was signed last week in Geneva. The gala ceremony included anti-Israel diatribes from the Palestinian negotiators and former US President Jimmy Carter. This unofficial plan was originally greeted with distain by both the Palestinian Authority and the Israeli government; however the PA has since changed its stance after seeing that it could be turned into public relations tool.

What has been missing from all the reports is that the Geneva plan represents a milestone in diplomacy. Now anyone can make a treaty! Even the US Secretary of State Colin Powell has thrown his support behind the plan, further damaging the chances of the so called "Roadmap Peace Plan." You may remember that one; it was proposed by Mr. Powell's boss, the President and agreed to by both Israel and the PA. The Secretary Has even met with the negotiators.

It is clear that General Powell has ushered in a new era , from now on, to negotiate a treaty all you need to do is find any two private citizens who agree to terms. They don't need any official authority just a word processor and a pen. I assume that you need to have private citizens from each country but this hasn't been made clear. Even if the plan actually distracts from the peace process, you can win an all expenses paid trip to Washington to meet the head diplomat of the United States.

By meeting with the negotiators of the Geneva plan, Powell not only gives it legitimacy — but once again proves himself to be a genius. I have decided to show my support, jump on the bandwagon to help General Powell move his new manifesto ahead. I am pleased announce today, that a peace treaty has been negotiated with Iraq!

Wanting to help Secretary Powell establish his new era of world peace, I sat down with Hamid, an American of Iraqi descent. I met him at the Bar Mitzvah party of my cousin Manny's son that took place this past Sunday. (Hamid has never been to Iraq, his father was driven out of the country in 1948 with other Iraqi Jews, but we assumed it would be close enough for Mr. Powell.)

Hamid and I agreed that since neither one of us had the money to go to Geneva, we would sit down right there, in Secaucus, New Jersey, to negotiate our treaty. So while the rest of the guests were eating their choice of salmon with a mustard sauce or Beef Wellington with baked potato, Hamid and I got down to negotiating world peace, or as we call it "The Secaucus Peace Plan". We based the plan on the Geneva treaty that Mr. Powell supports

Here are some of the Highlights:

• The border security fence is comprised of many sections totaling scores of miles. Some sections are concrete, others sheet metal. The barrier is three layers deep in parts, fifteen feet high and surrounded by razor wire. The area around it is lit by spotlights, monitored by cameras, motion detectors and magnetic sensors, and patrolled by armed guards with attack dogs. This barrier is an economic hardship for the people on the other side; it prevents them from working an honest job and earning a living. Therefore as part of our treaty, the fence between the US and Mexico must come down.

• Holy Sites across the world including The Temple Mount, Vatican City, Mecca and the monument area of Yankee Stadium will now be run by an international commission. The lone exception will be my cousin Bernie's Synagogue, which is granted a five year grace period till after his youngest child's Bar-Mitzvah in May of 2008. We deemed that another affair thrown by my cousin Bernie could only help world peace.

• The United States will go back to its pre 1960 borders, Alaska and Hawaii would become Iraqi territory on December 18th when my parents come home from their Alaskan cruise.

In return for these compromises Iraq agrees;

• That any homicide bombings against occupying forces in Iraq will now be blamed on the fact that Hamid is powerless to stop them.

• Iraq is allowed to destroy any Non-Muslim Holy sites in their territory. There is a precedent for this just look at Palestinian destruction of the Tomb of Joseph or their work at the Temple Mount.

• The last element is perhaps the toughest part to negotiate, but I think it is the biggest win for our side, Iraq agrees to give up control of all taxi cabs and 7-11 stores east of Hackettstown, New Jersey.

For all of his efforts I think General Powell should win a Nobel Peace Prize. I will address the subject with my friend Larry. I understand that he has formed a new unofficial Nobel Prize committee along with some guys he met at the latest Star Trek Convention