Police Report

• Relentless Wannabes: (1) Authorities in Winter Haven, Florida, arrested James Garfield, 28, with the typical faux-police set-up -- Ford Crown Victoria with police lights, uniform with gold-star badge, video camera, Taser, and business cards printed with "law enforcement." (Explained Garfield lamely, the "law enforcement" was just a "printing mistake.")

• (2) In nearby Frostproof, Florida, Thomas Hook, 48, was also arrested in September, his 14th law-enforcement-impersonator arrest since 1992. His paraphernalia included the Crown Vic with a prisoner cage, scanner, spotlight, "private investigator" and "fugitive recovery" badges, and an equally bogus card identifying him as a retired Marine Corps major. Hook's one other connection to law enforcement: He is a registered sex offender. [Bright House News (Orlando), 9-21-2015][Tampa Tribune, 9-11-2015]

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