Jewish World Review Nov. 23, 2010 / 16 Kislev, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
James Carville told a crowd Friday if Hillary Clinton gave President Obama one of her testicles they'd each have one. He's not the first person to say this. For years the number-one selling children's book in Little Rock was Chelsea Has Two Fathers.
Wesley Snipes was sent to prison for three years Friday for a tax conviction. He was never offered any payment plan. In his last movie Wesley Snipes played a guy who wanted to join a violent and armed group with no regard for the law, but the IRS wasn't hiring.
The Universal Studios Tour in Hollywood hosted the thirty-three rescued Chilean miners Friday. They got a tram ride that gives visitors a scary, action-packed adventure full of special effects. Every time the tram went into the tunnel the miners started rationing their potato chips.
The National Institutes of Health found Friday that one adult American in five is mentally ill. Treatment is costly. The reason people prefer online shopping and UPS delivery is because stomping on plastic bubble wrap is a lot cheaper than anti-depressant drugs.
President Obama was chided in Portugal Friday for his presidential limo projecting such imperialism. He can launch a nuclear attack, crash the markets or start a trade war. The guy who loads his Teleprompter has more power than anybody since Caesar Augustus.
MSNBC suspended Joe Scarborough Friday for making political donations. The network was horrified to learn he gave to Republicans. MSNBC only suspended Joe but they fired the North Korean staffer in charge of showing him the Queen of Hearts every morning.
President Obama used his weekly address Saturday to urge passage of an arms treaty with Russia. He really cranked up the fear factor. He warned that the Russians have a new missile that can reach our shores, grope our private parts and cause us to miss the next flight.
President Obama urged Senate Republicans Friday to pass the nuclear arms treaty with the Russians. What about all their spying? The Senate should withhold passage of the treaty until the Russians provide the antidote for whatever Oksana Grigorieva injected into Mel Gibson's forehead while he was asleep and perfectly unprejudiced three years ago.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton