Jewish World Review Nov. 19, 2010 / 12 Kislev, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Tina Fey was edited by PBS when she cracked three Sarah Palin jokes at the Kennedy Center Sunday. Liberal comics can't do Palin jokes because that's sexist and white comics can't do Obama jokes because that's racist. If Richard Pryor were alive this would kill him.
Michael Vick got a new contract from the Philadelphia Eagles Tuesday. He's obeyed his probation and played great. However, he was once spotted at a club drinking a vodka and pineapple drink, for which he was reprimanded by both the NFL and the Man Council.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton lobbied senators in Washington D.C. Wednesday to pass a nuclear arms deal with Russia. The U.S. capital has no early warning system that detects nuclear radiation coming. They just check John Boehner for signs of early tanning.
Nancy Pelosi was voted House Minority Leader Wednesday despite seventy million dollars in attack ads against her. How tough is this lady? When you have needles stuck in your face four times a year, only John McCain knows what you've been through.
The Congressional Hispanic Caucus met with President Obama Wednesday to secure his backing of an amnesty bill. Hispanics say they're disappointed by Obama's lack of enthusiasm. That's a cruel stereotype of Vulcan-Americans and they owe him an apology.
The FDA banned the beverage Four Loko which blends enough beer and caffeine to produce a wide awake drunken blackout for only three dollars a can. It's the same effect as cocaine and whiskey but a hundred bucks cheaper. Four Loko gives today's college kids their first story to tell their grandchildren about how they survived the Great Recession.
Motor Trend magazine named the Chevy Volt its Car of the Year Tuesday. They want people to switch to cars that run on electricity that's coal-fueled. It could take West Virginia coal miners sixty years to switch from chewing tobacco to Islam and hate America.
German police beefed up security on Wednesday after al-Qaeda threatened to attack Germany. They must remember their limitations. The Germans may be the only people who can disrupt an al-Qaeda attack and wind up being the defendants in a war crimes trial.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton