Jewish World Review Nov. 15, 2010 / 8 Kislev, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The FDA announced Wednesday cigarette makers must begin printing larger graphic warnings on cigarette packs listing all the ways the smoker is about to die. It's way over the top. Someone needs to tell the FDA it's a federal crime to threaten the president.
Sears announced Wednesday it will be open for business on Thanksgiving Day. It's a diversion that will save lives. Whenever families come together annually they need to have something to do besides sit at a table and drink wine within reach of a carving knife.
President Obama gave a speech to the Muslim world Wednesday and vowed that the United States will never be at war with Islam. He added helpfully that Islam has done much to shape America. For instance, New York used to be a little taller than it is right now.
House Democrats drew up plans Friday to try to pass amnesty for illegal aliens during the lame duck session. They likened the hiring of illegal aliens to owning slaves. The logic goes, what the signature of Lincoln taketh away, the trunk of a Lincoln restoreth.
The Federal reserve decided Monday to buy up six hundred billion dollars in U.S. Treasury bonds, in effect printing the money. The U.S. government doesn't like the idea of selling all our bonds to the Chinese. An hour after you get paid, you're broke again.
Michael Jackson's estate made millions more from the superstar's legacy Friday as Sony greenlighted the Michael Jackson Video Game. The game is really authentic. The instructions on the box read that the game is for kids twelve years of age and under.
Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport flight attendants protested the TSA's new order to grope women's breasts looking for volatile chemicals. Say it ain't so. If silicone can be made into a bomb, Los Angeles women may be taking the bus to Vegas for the rest of their lives.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton