Jewish World Review Nov. 11, 2010 / 4 Kislev, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
House Democrats defeated last week were seen by grief counselors Tuesday. They must go from denial to acceptance. Once they've accepted that their days in Congress are over, they will be counseled about how to transition to other forms of white collar crime.
The Federal Reserve devalued the dollar Wednesday, drawing a protest from China and Japan and Germany. The Democrats seem to be in total disarray. They've lost the House, they've devalued the currency and now they've outsourced the presidency to India.
President Obama met with India's leading businessmen in New Delhi Saturday. He asked them for advice on how to fix the ailing U.S. economy. They told him to turn the economy off for five minutes and then turn it back on and see if that fixes the problem.
President Obama visited the Mahatma Gandhi memorial in India Monday amid tight security. He wasn't allowed on the streets of India. The Secret Service agents could have lost their jobs if Barack Obama got trampled by elephants for the second Tuesday in a row.
BP executives said Monday that inspections show the oil spill had little effect on the seafood population in the Gulf of Mexico, particularly shrimp and oysters. In fact, many of the species are thriving. With oil at ninety dollars a barrel they've never eaten so well
Saudi Arabia upgraded its air defenses with purchases from Raytheon recently. They want results this time. In the last Mideast war, the Arabs missed every Israeli jet with the surface-to-air missiles we sold them, so now they want to buy missiles that are surface-to-jet.
A Carnival Cruise ship was rescued and towed ashore by the Mexican Coast Guard Tuesday. A fire had knocked out all power. Mexico's coast guard doesn't usually save ships from sinking that aren't known to be carrying cocaine, but they made an exception and settled for everybody's jewelry.
Oklahoma was sued by Muslims for banning Islamic law from being used in state courts. The established religion in the Southwest is college football and its legal precedents apply. Texas vs. Switzer is always cited in cases involving poaching, kidnapping across state lines and extension of the statute of limitations for war criminals.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton