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Jewish World Review Taking a page from a ‘Mad’ mother By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I don't think Betty Draper's a very good mother but there's one thing she does every week on "Mad Men" that I truly admire. At her terse command to "Go upstairs," Betty's children wordlessly untangle their legs, stand up, turn off the TV and do exactly that. Not even so much as a "Just two more hours of Mario Kart, pulleeeeeezzz." (Although, to be fair, the show is set in 1963 so it's not like the kids are being asked to give up that much.) She says it all the time, even if the table is set for dinner and you know the kids are going to have to amuse themselves for at least another hour while she swirls a drink at the kitchen table with moody husband Don, and smokes a cigarette or 12. When the kids are outside playing and it's time to get cleaned up, Betty steps onto the front porch, puts her hands on her hips and says, "Go inside." And they do. No back talk. No rolled eyes. No negotiations. At first I figured they were just scared of her - Betty Draper is about as nurturing as Drano after all. In fact, she often looks at her kids with utter curiosity as if she can't quite figure out how these short people came to live in her house. But then I have to realize that things were different then. Parents said what they wanted; children, for the most part, complied, a notion that's almost unthinkable in this age of kid-centric households. Betty Draper would never tolerate a boy named Artemis Battlestar or some such with tangled shoulder-length curls and a stained favorite T-shirt pledging allegiance to a greener planet. She'd merely level her imperious gaze at him and say: "Change your clothes." And, following that, "Tell your father to take you to the barber." Although I don't really want to be Betty Draper, it would be refreshing to be able to say something one time and have my will be done. I tried to channel Betty this morning. Standing at the Princess's bedside, I smoothed my vintage apron, folded my arms across my chest and tapped my high-heeled foot before flicking a wayward shred of imaginary tobacco from my front tooth. "Get up." Nothing. Not even a slight movement of the covers despite the fact that the alarm clock had gone off 10 minutes earlier. "Get up!" A gentle stirring, then a muffled "I don't want to go to school." WWBD? "I'm going to get your Father." Too late. She was already asleep again. Betty Draper makes it look so easy through her Miltown-induced cold-calm. "GET UP!!!!!!!!!" I look up, helplessly, at Robert Pattinson's face above the bed. Finally, I sigh and walk out defeated. "Wuss," I can hear Betty Draper hiss. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. She's adding truth serum to her Cap'n Crunch Snuggie ensnares another victim, er, admirer Florida can keep its snakes She's homeless . . . but for $95 she can go home with your princess Southern fish experiencing identity crises Monkey baby big business for the small-minded All mommixed up? Try keeping toes in a breath-mint tin Thunder thighs finally get revenge Where would I be without the digested read? Butter buds: Julia and Celia Facebook is for ‘old’ people, too, missy Ch-ch-ch-changes Getting refreshment not berry smooth in age of mass marketing Reality show lowers her IQ to sub-dirt levels Cuddle parties are the latest weird trend Middle school is a whole new game and these players are vicious If the first lady can dig in the dirt, why can't I? Somehow, we've all lost our internal censors Not to rub it in, Barbie, but you're old Some things you probably don't need to know about your friends Big family, big ratings, big mess Fred Mertz for vice president Women and tools are like grease, water Runners are a different breed of folk altogether Don't get all bento out of shape For you, Princess? I'll buy junk Gwyneth P. needs big ol' reality check Reality show amuses yet repels viewer Spying on kid at summer camp awfully fulfilling Stars? Great outdoors? I don't think so Honesty in the name of fashion Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers Trendy new ailment not for everybody What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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