Jewish World Review Nov. 26, 2009 / 9 Kislev 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Thanksgiving marks the day the English Puritans gave thanks for their survival in the wilderness as they colonized America. There's plenty we can be thankful for even today. If you can't pay your bills, be thankful you aren't one of your creditors.
Congressman Patrick Kennedy was banned from receiving Holy Communion by the Roman Catholic bishop of Rhode Island over his pro-choice votes. He doesn't miss it. The bars haven't been closed on Sundays in Massachusetts in thirty-six years.
Senator Harry Reid scrambled Monday to buy votes in the Senate for the health care bill. He's offering bridges, dams and highway funds. When he offered Heidi Fleiss the job of Majority Whip she thought it was going to be something else entirely.
President Obama will honor India at his first state dinner Tuesday in a heated tent outside. Protocol will be observed as always. It's good they're holding the dinner out on the South Lawn because he plans to begin the evening by bowing to a cow.
The White House said Friday a swine flu strain has turned up that is resistant to Tamiflu. No one likes the medicine. Young adults in Los Angeles wouldn't take Tamiflu if you mixed it with vodka and grenadine and called it Sex in the Oxygen Tent.
President Obama's approval ratings sank below fifty percent in the Gallup Poll Friday. The poll only reflects his job performance as president. The public likes him personally but they disapprove of the way he is managing China's western holdings.
Denver car dealer Phil West made news Monday by putting up a billboard that demands to see Barack Obama's birth certificate and accuses him of being a Muslim. He felt he had no choice but to buy a highway billboard. Baby Boomers are tired of having our views ignored just because we don't know how to go online and post in a chat room.
Iraq's government offered young Sunnis and young Shiites two thousand dollars to marry each other. The idea is to reduce hostilities by having people from rival sects get married. If they can just stop fighting about religious differences and start fighting about sex and money they will be on their way to being a free society.
President Obama met with his Afghanistan war advisers Monday to formulate a strategy that will work in the foothills of the Himalayas. The steep terrain is all hiding places. Mountains are the reason people put their money in Switzerland.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton