Jewish World Review Nov. 24, 2009 / 7 Kislev 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The White House reported five thousand more layoffs nationwide Friday. Perhaps the worst is over. Joe Biden pointed out the unemployment rate among turkeys may be high today but the day after Thanksgiving there will be a lot more jobs per turkey.
Attorney General Eric Holder was ripped in the Senate over his decision to try Khalid Sheikh Mohammed in civil court in New York. He said he didn't consult President Obama. He's trying to give the president cover in case things go horribly wrong, like for instance if the judge in New York decides to try the case under American law.
The White House cut the Hanukkah party guest list in half Thursday from eight hundred to four hundred. They said kosher food is too expensive and they want to cut costs. Actually, the president is a ham and they're only inviting rabbis who'll certify him.
Hillary Clinton attended Afghan President Hamid Karzai's swearing-in ceremony Thursday. We're propping up a corrupt regime that survives on the heroin trade. The first step of health care reform is to secure the United States an adequate supply of painkillers.
Senate Democrats added a tax on cosmetic surgery in the health care bill. It's timed perfectly to nail aging Baby Boomers. If they had taxed pot in the Sixties, coke in the Seventies and rehabs in the Eighties, this country would be solvent today.
HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius blamed George W. Bush Friday for her directive that women wait until they're fifty for mammograms. She said the breast exam rule was born on his watch. You know the Democrats, any boob they can't grope, they blame.
Somali pirates were repelled by gunfire from the crew of the cargo ship Alabama Friday. They seized the same ship last year and several pirates wound up dead. The Alabama defense is a prime reason why they're favored to end up in the BCS title game.
Al Gore's new book Our Choice features a NASA photo of Earth on the cover that shows four hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico. One's on the equator where hurricanes don't exist, one's spinning the wrong direction, and Cuba doesn't exist on the map. It's the same Photoshop program they use to show the jobs created by the stimulus bill.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton