Jewish World Review Nov. 13, 2009 / 26 Mar-Cheshvan 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Heathrow Airport police arrested a United pilot for trying to fly while drunk from London to Chicago. He could have killed everyone onboard. President Obama urged caution, saying we should not judge all drunks based on the actions of one pilot.
The New York Post said Alex Rodriguez has paintings over his bed depicting him as a centaur. They show him as half man and half horse. It proves that when Alex took steroids he was also violating the rules of the Thoroughbred Breeders Association.
Michael Vick was allowed to keep sixteen million in bonus money by the Federal Appeals Court. His previous team tried to rescind the money but the court ruled he had a valid contract. He only brutalized dogs, it's not like he made mortgage loans.
USA Today whined Monday that USC, Oklahoma and Alabama's football coaches make four million a year. They're worth it. Professors will make that much money when people pay a hundred dollars a ticket to sit in the bleachers and watch a history test.
U.S. Army Chief of Staff George Casey refused to admit Sunday that the Fort Hood shooter was motivated by jihad. He's afraid to make a comment criticizing a Muslim for murdering U.S. soldiers on U.S. soil. General Casey hopes to own an NFL team someday.
Fort Hood shooter Major Hasan's radical views came to light Monday. The FBI knew about him, the CIA knew about him, and the warning signs were everywhere. It didn't help when Barack Obama came to the memorial service and read My Pet Goat to the crowd.
President Obama called Major Hasan's rampage incomprehensible Tuesday. Plenty of people knew about him but no one did anything. After basic training, officers go to NBA referee school to learn when to blow the whistle and when to let them play.
Major Hasan was found to have e-mailed al-Qaeda cleric Anwar al-Awlaki twenty times. The imam is considered a rock star among jihadists. Anybody can drive a car into a building but not everybody can smash a guitar on the hood while they're doing it.
Iraq's government banned the sale of alcohol in Baghdad's Green Zone last week, completing a nationwide prohibition. Six years ago Iraq was the only Muslim country that allowed alcohol. No one ever considered the possibility that we invaded Iraq because President Bush was resentful that Saddam Husssein could drink and he couldn't.
The White House was reported Tuesday to be dissuading Democratic pollsters and consultants from appearing on Fox News. The request was met with silence by the consultants. They're willing to do anything for Barack Obama except turn down airtime.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton