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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct. 9, 2008 / 10 Tishrei 5769

For you, Princess? I'll buy junk

By Celia Rivenbark

Celia Rivenbark
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The army is advancing, headed toward my street. From the look of it, they'll be here in T-minus two minutes, spreading out, covering the left flank (Mrs. Hoolihan's yard) and the right (Mr. Ledbetter's). I'm busted. They've already seen me, water hose in hand, trying to coax a few last-minute blooms out of the periwinkle before first frost.


At this point, the only way I can avoid the Cub Scouts selling popcorn to the east and the chorus students (including my own Precious!) peddling catalogs for everything from chocolate turtles to Newsweek to sorta-silver necklaces to the west, is to lay down in the shrubbery and pretend to be dead.


Even then, the persistent school/Scout sales team, none over 5 feet tall, will probably poke at my "body" just to make sure.


Can I really stand the chubby Cub Scout from down the street telling the others, "Snap! She's not even cold yet; wish we'd gotten here a few minutes sooner. From the size of her, I'd guess she was good for at least a coupla pounds of Coconut Almond Treasures."


Would the Princess look dejected and only muster a lame, "She was alive when she made my lunch four hours ago"?


The Scouts are selling popcorn and candy at prices that would shame the neighborhood crack dealer. The popcorn's sold in "holiday embossed tins" that are roughly the size of a doghouse.


A flier left in the door earlier in the day advised, "It's time to order your holiday popcorn!" The wise men brought gold, frankincense and myrrh, not butter-toffee, confetti and bedda chedda.


Whatever. I can easily say no to strangers, even the ones in uniform. And I can even say no to my mom-friends who have torpedoed more than a few girls' nights out by covering the table - and displacing my yummy pear martini - with an array of overpriced gift wrap samples for their kids' school fundraiser.


But saying no to the Princess is, naturally, much harder.


There are four catalogs to choose from, she chirps while fanning them out on the coffee table one night.


"Isn't-it-time-you-said-Yes-to-aromatic-oils," she begins in a stilted monotone and I hold up my hand to stop her before she can add "Sir-or-Madam."


"I don't need any."


But she has been trained, Navy SEAL style, apparently. Failure is not an option.


"Dreidel salt and pepper shakers?"


"We're not Jewish."


"Caramel mittens and chocolate kittens?"


"Gross."


"If I sell $500 worth of merchandise, I get a cool hamburger phone just like in 'Juno.'"


Great. My daughter's role model is a pregnant teenager who talks into a sesame seed bun. Naturally I caved. What else could I do? She's in the Army now.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here.


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Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’

© 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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