Jewish World Review Nov. 14, 2008 / 16 Mar-Cheshvan 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Sarah Palin was flooded by offers from Beverly Hills talent agents Monday. She is the only stock that's going up. We knew Barack Obama was smart, if only we had known that when he said millions of Americans cling to G-d and guns, it was a stock tip.
New York Mets legend Mike Piazza signed a deal with Simon and Schuster Thursday to write his autobiography. He was some role model. Mike Piazza made the position of catcher so glamorous that today every other homeowner in the country is a squatter.
Tampa Bay Rays star Evan Longoria was voted Rookie of the Year by the Sporting News. Florida retirees aren't that interested in who wins Rookie of the Year. They got much more excited last year when a proctologist in Miami won the Gold Glove Award.
General Motors canceled its appearance at the Los Angeles Auto Show next week to cut costs. How bad is the company's financial condition? General Motors said it is saving its money to go to the January auto show in Detroit, and they can walk there.
John Edwards made his first public appearance since his sex scandal at Indiana University on Tuesday. His adulterous affair was discovered thanks to telephone tips to tabloids. John Edwards forgot when he split Hillary's votes in Iowa and cost her the nomination that she has had the National Enquirer on speed-dial for sixteen years.
Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska remained in a recount with his Democratic opponent Thursday. He was just convicted of fraud and graft in federal court. Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it may be a better idea to change the locks.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton