Jewish World Review Nov. 13, 2008 / 15 Mar-Cheshvan 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The New York Stock Exchange remained open on Veterans Day. However the trading didn't begin until everyone stood for the playing of Taps. A lot of traders who didn't know it was Veterans Day merely assumed the new jobs report had been released.
The Automobile Club reported Monday gasoline prices in Oklahoma and Texas fell to a dollar fifty a gallon at the pump. Americans are adjusting happily. Boone Pickens's windmills are now being powered by the breeze from the Corvettes going by.
Kansas Democrats proposed Monday that November fourth be designated a national holiday to forever mark the election of Barack Obama. One thing's for sure. When G-d gives Bill Clinton a bad year it lasts the full three hundred and sixty-five days.
The Washington Post admitted Monday that its coverage of Barack Obama was a bit worshipful. They aren't alone. The TV network accountants just discovered to their delight they don't have to pay taxes anymore because religious broadcasters are exempt.
Barack Obama told reporters Tuesday that his mother-in-law Marian Robinson will live in the White House and care for his two daughters. Democrats don't like it. They think he's trying to get around the requirement to hire a union babysitter.
Senator Robert Byrd resigned as Appropriations Committee Chairman Friday. He's been understandably depressed. Senator Byrd lost his wife, and he's at the age where the only two women that eHarmony will set him up with are Cloris Leachman and Madonna.
John Edwards returned to the public eye with a speech in Indiana Tuesday. He's an important figure in the Democratic Party. Now that Bill Clinton has been pushed off the stage, John Edwards is everybody's choice for the job of Designated Adulterer.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton