Jewish World Review Nov. 12, 2008 / 14 Mar-Cheshvan 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Laura Bush met Michelle Obama Monday and reportedly discussed raising children in the White House. Presidents always send their kids to private schools in Washington. If they sent them to public school, the Secret Service would be outgunned.
The Mayflower Hotel in Washington redecorated its rooms with organic materials to please the Inaugural crowd Monday. Democrats are radical environmentalists. Even the hookers coming into town for the Inaugural will be wearing fishnet stockings made out of hemp.
The White House handed another forty billion dollars to AIG Monday on top of the seven hundred billion dollar bailout bill. The president's approval rating has lately been improving. Americans are just starting to realize that we will forever be in his debt.
Joe Biden was assigned the code name Celtic by the White House Secret Service detail Monday. It's critically important that he's protected. G-d gave America Joe Biden so that white comedians would have something to do for the next eight years.
Caroline Kennedy was reportedly under consideration Monday to be U.S. Ambassador to Great Britain. Last January she endorsed Barack Obama for president over Hillary, and the Clintons couldn't attack her. Nobody would believe she lives in a trailer park.
John McCain made his first post-election TV appearance Tuesday on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno at NBC in Burbank. It was extremely brave of him to go to NBC. The last time this guy ventured into enemy territory it took him five years to get home again.
Beverly Hills pawn shops reported Monday that they're doing record business since the market crash. One pawn shop has sixty Porsches, Ferraris, and Bentleys in its lot. The paparazzi are waiting at bus stops to get photographs of stars arriving at nightclubs.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton