Jewish World Review Nov. 10, 2008 / 12 Mar-Cheshvan 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Barack Obama held his first post-election press conference Friday. The markets were extremely sensitive to his comments. As soon as he said we only have one president at a time the Dow Jones dropped a hundred points on the depressing reminder.
Arnold Schwarzenegger reacted angrily to the state budget deficit Thursday. He proposed canceling dental care for the unemployed and slashing subsidies to the elderly. The idea is to run everyone out of Los Angeles who's too old to get a TV show.
Oprah Winfrey went political Thursday, claiming she got racist calls during the campaign. She could be forced to leave the country. Oprah Winfrey worked so hard to elect Barack Obama and she didn't get around to reading his tax plan until last night.
Barack Obama named Rahm Emanuel as his chief of staff Tuesday. Rahm in Hebrew means thunder and Barack in Arabic means lightning. The prospects for Mideast peace in this administration don't look good but the prospects for special effects are excellent.
Barack Obama got his first intelligence briefing Thursday, telling him the real threats to America. He was a different man when he came out. He urged Americans to eat all the turkey you can this Thanksgiving because every meal could be your last.
Barack Obama vowed Wednesday to eliminate any loopholes in U.S. law that might still allow torture. The policy needs a little cleaning up. Under the current law any U.S. agent or U.S. soldier who engages in torture could get five years in the electric chair.
Barack Obama offered himself as an example of hope to a cheering Chicago crowd Tuesday. It whipped the crowd into a frenzy. If America can elect a black man president whose middle name is Hussein then next year's the year for the Chicago Cubs.
Reverend Jesse Jackson was spotted by television cameras at Barack Obama's victory rally Tuesday night with tears streaming down his face. It wasn't an uncommon sight. A lot of people cry when they are forced out of business.
Condi Rice flew to the Middle East for peace talks Wednesday. A new poll shows ninety percent of Americans are confused about foreign policy. Those are alarming figures, especially when you consider that the poll was taken at the State Department.
The U.S. Treasury forced banks to accept billions of dollars last week with orders to loan it out to begin the president's rescue plan. There's an easier way. The day before, a bank teller pulled out a gun and ordered a customer to deposit all his money.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton