Jewish World Review Nov. 4, 2008 / 6 Mar-Cheshvan 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The U.S. Constitution requires Americans to elect a new president Tuesday. There are no losers on this day. The winner's supporters will think they have a mandate to rule and the loser's supporters will live in a parallel universe in which they won.
Election Day arrives today and for the first time in thirty-two years we won't have a Bush or a Clinton on the national ballot. Expect a record-high voter turnout. All you have to do is give the people what they want and they will show up every time.
The Federal Election Commission predicted Friday that a hundred and thirty million people will vote today. Everyone will watch the historic results tonight. For Anglo-Saxon males it will be only the forty-fourth chance to see one of our own elected president.
John McCain and Barack Obama vowed change if elected president. They would replace a guy who invaded Iraq, tripled gas prices, crashed the stock market and took over the banks. Either candidate would have won in a landslide by promising to Change Back.
John McCain appeared on Saturday Night Live Saturday. He showed up with a flag of truce. From now on when a nominee considers vice presidents he'll check three times to make sure they don't have any look-alikes on the cast of Saturday Night Live.
Barack Obama spent the early part of the weekend stumping for votes in Arizona and Nevada. His audiences were enthusiastic. In the desert Southwest Barack Obama has replaced the Virgin Mary as the number-one sighting on grilled cheese sandwiches.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton