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July 2, 2009

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: The hallmark of a person

Abe Novick: Up, up, and aliya

July 1, 2009

Rabbi Avi Shafran: The Road Taken

The Kosher Gourmet by Marialisa Calta: Get into the holiday spirit with these Star-Spangled desserts

June 30, 2009

Rabbi Binyomin Ginsberg: What makes a great parent?

Caroline B. Glick: Ideologue-in-Chief

June 29, 2009

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Beware of 'Caveat Emptor'

Steven Emerson: ACLU pushing for more money for Hamas

June 26, 2009

Rabbi Yoni Posnick: Learn the secret to a healthy marriage from a scriptural villain

Caroline B. Glick: Barack Obama vs. International Law

June 25, 2009

Rabbi Shimon Apisdorf: The Absurd Power of Truth

Jordan "Gorf" Gorfinkle's strip: Everything's Relative

June 24, 2009

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Advancement of technology is a wake-up call for humanity

The Kosher Gourmet by Andrea Weigl: Summer on a stick: Making frozen treats can be easy, creative and fun

June 23, 2009

Martin M. Bodek: 'On Surnames': And so, We Begin

Caroline B. Glick: The Obama Effect

June 22, 2009

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Working for a corrupt firm

N. Richard Greenfield : Where are American Jews?

June 19, 2009

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: Emotion v. intellect

Caroline B. Glick: Israel's rare opportunity

June 18, 2009

Jonathan Rosenblum: Sometimes it is more essential to define the nature of evil than good

Jordan "Gorf" Gorfinkle's strip: Everything's Relative

June 17, 2009

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The Language of Confusion

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: Nothing pleases Dad more than a thick, juicy onion-smothered steak. Add home-Baked Potato Chips and …

June 16, 2009

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Career v. Careersism

Caroline B. Glick: Obama's losing streak and Israel

Richard Z. Chesnoff: ‘Palestinians’: Never Missing an Opportunity …

June 15, 2009

Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu: How Judea and Samaria can become 'Palestine'

Daniel Pipes: Where Netanyahu's speech failed

June 12, 2009

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: Some big thoughts about not acting so big

Caroline B. Glick: Obama's High Commissioner

June 11, 2009

Victor Davis Hanson: Our historically challenged President

Mitch Albom: Beware the True Believers

Lewis Grossberger: What we learn from the new Hitler photos

June 10, 2009

Mort Zuckerman: What Obama and his advisors won't -- or refuse to -- grasp about Israel and the Muslim world

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Lotsa pasta: Tips, techniques and (amazing) taste

June 9, 2009

Anne Bayefsky: Obama's stunning offense to Israel and the Jewish people

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: America's first Muslim president?

June 8, 2009

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Merchant must take responsibility for careless shopper?

Mark Steyn: A superpower that feeds on mediocrity cannot survive for long on leftovers from the past

Richard Z. Chesnoff: How do you say 'kumbaya' in Arabic?

June 5, 2009

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: In quest of spirituality

Caroline B. Glick: Obama's Arabian dreams

Charles Krauthammer: The Settlements Myth

June 4, 2009

Paul Greenberg: The War Comes to Little Rock

The Kosher Gourmet by Judy Hevrdejs: Splash it on! Tap your inner jazz musician and improvise when stirring up a vinaigrette

June 3, 2009

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Q. Should terrible teacher be exposed?

Jonathan Rosenblum: The Israel Lobby: Missing in Action

June 2, 2009

Dennis Prager: The Speech President Obama Won't Dare Give in Egypt

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Pressure on Israel raises war risk

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review Nov. 20, 2008 / 22 Mar-Cheshvan 5769

Hotels go for the green

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Whenever I stay in a hotel, I always keep an eye out for any new wrinkles the hospitality industry has come up with to better serve the weary traveler. Also bedbugs. One of my all-time favorite innovations has to be the "Sanitized for your protection" paper sash that hotels often drape across their rooms' commodes. Because only an establishment with the greatest confidence in its product can adorn the bathroom with a piece of paper that says, essentially, "You will not get herpes from this toilet seat."


More recently, many hotels have been trying to "go green" by adopting eco-friendly policies. Or, to be more precise, hotels have started requesting that guests "do their part" to conserve water and electricity by reusing towels and sheets. I, for one, applaud hotels for taking this brave pro-environment stance, even in the face of the very real risk that they stand to save millions of dollars in laundry expenses. Of course, the hotels would be glad to pass those savings on to those of us doing the actual conserving, but then we might not feel the same sense of pride at saving mother earth when drying ourselves with damp, soiled towels.


Some might say that environmental activism is, in fact, nothing new for the hospitality industry. Specifically, they can point to noted hotel heiress Paris Hilton, who has not only long insisted on using only low-wattage bulbs to light her home sex videos, but also has always raised awareness about the imminent threat of Global Warming through her signature catch phrase, "That's hot."


Still, I can't help but wonder if this appeal to hotel customers' altruism to reduce water use is having much impact. After all, "selfless" is not a word that springs to mind to describe most hotel guests' attitude toward room upkeep. Frankly, considering the virtual Superfund site of piled up trash, broken glass, stained towels, used syringes, partial animal carcasses and god knows what else the average guest leaves behind, hotels are usually appreciative if customers remember to put out any actively burning fires in the room before checking out.


This treatment also extends to our rental cars, often with even more disgusting results because we have to pack the same volume of filth into a much more compact space. But I think this is just our way of getting back at the rental car companies for trying to trick us into buying enough insurance to cover a fleet of Fallujah cab drivers.


Rental car agent: "Would you like to purchase the optional, but recommended, collision damage waiver? No? Initial that you decline here. How about coverage for accidents with uninsured drivers? No? Initial here. Coverage against vehicle theft? No? Damage from falling rocks, tree branches or other debris? Vehicle immersed in water? What if the car is commandeered by the authorities to pursue bank robbery suspects? Vehicle left behind during the Rapture while you spontaneously ascend to heaven? Initial here, here and here, and sign here in your own blood, please."


But it's not lost on customers that while rental car companies won't let you drive off the lot without first confirming that the car's exterior has no dings, dents, scratches, dried bird droppings or a single suspicious fingerprint, they make no similar demands regarding the car's inside. As a result, for the duration of your rental, the car's interior becomes a combination garbage receptacle, ashtray, spittoon, nose-wiping station, urinal and, well, let's just say that, "What happens in Vegas, stains in Vegas."


With this kind of customer behavior as the norm, you really do have to admire the hotels' moxie in expecting to persuade guests, out of concern for the environment, to voluntarily forego laundry services they're paying for. In fact, I'm so impressed that I've decided to adopt a similar strategy in my own life by using the global ecological crisis as an excuse to get out of all kinds of things I don't want to do.


"A ticket to go with you to see Cousin Enid's lead performance in the upcoming four-hour concert of Mongolian throat-singing? Why Aunt Agnes, you shouldn't have. Now you know how talented I feel Cousin Enid is, and would never put any stock in what those dozen or so reviewers said after her last performance ('screeching' is such a subjective term, anyway). But driving all the way across town to the old VFW hall will consume an awful lot of fossil fuels, so even though I'm a huge fan of all throat-singing, especially the Mongolian variety, these days the earth just has to come first. You understand, of course."


Who could have ever guessed that while all the environmentalists were desperately searching for ways to stop global warming, the hotel industry would actually discover the key to solving our ecological crisis: outright self interest!

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

11/06/08:Something does not compute
10/30/08: Early adopters tech their chances
10/21/08: Cyberspace invaders
10/21/08: Keeping up disappearances
09/17/08: Victims of math hysteria
08/07/08: My newfound sense of self (promotion)
06/24/08: Getting the brand back together
05/29/08: Phrased and confused
05/13/08: Take this job and love it
04/17/08: News you can (re)use
04/02/08: Commercial (over)load
02/20/08: An overdose of reality
02/14/08: A developing situation
01/30/08: I can tech it or leave it
01/02/08: Confessions of a coke addict
01/02/08: Our bills are due
12/13/07: Going (to lunch) once, going twice…
11/28/07: Out with the old
11/06/07: My latest pet project
11/06/07: Can't tune it out
10/23/07: Something special in the hair
09/12/07: Can I have your attention, please?
09/12/07: Houston, we have an image problem
08/21/07: In the heat of fashion
08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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