Hons, I'm a little nervous after reading that a Scranton, Pa., woman was charged with disorderly conduct and could spend 90 days in jail for shouting profanities at her overflowing toilet.
In her own home.
As Dawn Herb explained it, "I was in my house. It's not like I was outside or drunk. The toilet was overflowing and leaking into the kitchen and I was yelling (for my daughter) to get the mop."
Only apparently she asked for the "#$%@!" mop.
A neighbor, hearing this agonized cry, did not respond with plunger in hand but rather reported the cursing to the police, who cited Ms. Herb. Along with possible jail time, she could be ordered to pay a fine of $300, which could be better used to pay for three minutes of a plumber's time, if you ask me.
So why does this story give me the shivers? Well, because I live in an 85-year-old house and I know what it's like to stand in questionable water every now and then, screeching for help.
The last time this happened, about two weeks ago, I seem to recall saying something like, "Oopsie daisy! This silly goose of a toilet is overflowing all over the place. Let me just shut the water off and grab a few towels! It's no big deal!"
No! Wait a minute. That's not what I said at all. It was more of a "Oopsie #$%^ daisy! This @#$%^ toilet is overflowing all over the @#$%^ place. Let me just shut the @#$% water off and grab a few @#$%^ towels! It's a big @#$% deal!"
Fortunately, the neighbors didn't report me. Presumably because they also have 85-year-old plumbing and were busy cussing out their own toilets.
Have we become so sensitive that a person can't even cuss out their own toilet without fear of being arrested?
I'm not proud of it, but I've cussed out every appliance in my home at one time or the other. The !@#$% food processor usually gets the worst of it followed closely by the !@#$% vacuum cleaner. They're a pair of @#$%^'s, those two.
I also feel sorry for Ms. Herb because she said the cursing began while trying to get her daughter to fetch a mop.
Having both a toilet and a daughter of my own, I can say with great certainty that the daughter was probably listening to her @#$%^! iPod and wouldn't have noticed unless the toilet had pulled away from its base and lurched into her bedroom itself demanding a mop. At which point, the daughter would just say, "Mooooooommmmm! The !#@$$% toilet is in my room again."
Y'all know I'm right.