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Jewish World Review Nov. 8, 2007 / 27 Mar-Cheshvan 5768 I swear it's not my fault By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Hons, I'm a little nervous after reading that a Scranton, Pa., woman was charged with disorderly conduct and could spend 90 days in jail for shouting profanities at her overflowing toilet. In her own home. As Dawn Herb explained it, "I was in my house. It's not like I was outside or drunk. The toilet was overflowing and leaking into the kitchen and I was yelling (for my daughter) to get the mop." Only apparently she asked for the "#$%@!" mop. A neighbor, hearing this agonized cry, did not respond with plunger in hand but rather reported the cursing to the police, who cited Ms. Herb. Along with possible jail time, she could be ordered to pay a fine of $300, which could be better used to pay for three minutes of a plumber's time, if you ask me. So why does this story give me the shivers? Well, because I live in an 85-year-old house and I know what it's like to stand in questionable water every now and then, screeching for help. The last time this happened, about two weeks ago, I seem to recall saying something like, "Oopsie daisy! This silly goose of a toilet is overflowing all over the place. Let me just shut the water off and grab a few towels! It's no big deal!" No! Wait a minute. That's not what I said at all. It was more of a "Oopsie #$%^ daisy! This @#$%^ toilet is overflowing all over the @#$%^ place. Let me just shut the @#$% water off and grab a few @#$%^ towels! It's a big @#$% deal!" Fortunately, the neighbors didn't report me. Presumably because they also have 85-year-old plumbing and were busy cussing out their own toilets. Have we become so sensitive that a person can't even cuss out their own toilet without fear of being arrested? I'm not proud of it, but I've cussed out every appliance in my home at one time or the other. The !@#$% food processor usually gets the worst of it followed closely by the !@#$% vacuum cleaner. They're a pair of @#$%^'s, those two. I also feel sorry for Ms. Herb because she said the cursing began while trying to get her daughter to fetch a mop. Having both a toilet and a daughter of my own, I can say with great certainty that the daughter was probably listening to her @#$%^! iPod and wouldn't have noticed unless the toilet had pulled away from its base and lurched into her bedroom itself demanding a mop. At which point, the daughter would just say, "Mooooooommmmm! The !#@$$% toilet is in my room again." Y'all know I'm right. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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