Jewish World Review Nov. 1, 2007 / 20 Mar-Cheshvan 5768

Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else

By Celia Rivenbark

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | What a bountiful season it's turning out to be for weird celebrity news: Ellen Degeneres' weepy on-air breakdown over her ex-dog, Iggy, being taken away from her hairdresser's kids; Oprah announcing that she has a 20-pound thyroid gland (sorta); Jerry Seinfeld's wife being accused of stealing another writer's book idea; and "Harry Potter" creator J.K. Rowling telling everyone that Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore is, in fact, quite gay.

Which brings me back to Ellen, who basically had a big, fat nervous breakdown on national TV.

Quick recap: Ellen adopts dog from animal shelter; Ellen discovers her cats don't like new dog; Ellen equally amazed to discover sun rises in east and sets in west; Ellen bequeaths dog, "Iggy," to hairdresser who does her hair every single day; adoption agency learns of this and takes Iggy away from hairdresser's hysterical kids; Ellen, weeps uncontrollably for fate of the now thrice-relocated Iggy.

Oprah announces to the world that she has finally found a logical explanation for her 20-pound weight gain this year. Turns out that a mischievous thyroid is to blame! We haven't been this excited since O announced the exact dimensions of her poops on national TV one day.

I gained 12 pounds in the past year myself and also blame my midlife thyroid, rather than the more obvious cause: food.

As Seinfeld might ask, "Wha's the deal?" with people saying his wife, uh, Mrs. Jerry Seinfeld, may have plagiarized recipes for her best-selling "Deceptively Delicious" cookbook? Didn't we see her prepare broccoli juice and kudzu brownies and some-such on show after show? That's for reals! Fortunately, Jerry has sprung to the defense of the missus, saying that she's been sneaking veggies into food for years in order to make sure her family eats healthy. In a related note: Mrs. Seinfeld was so elated with her guest shot on "Oprah" that she sent O 21 pairs of designer shoes worth many hundreds of dollars a pair.

Oh, and 19 of those civilians were children.

Y'all know I'm right!