Jewish World Review Nov. 27, 2007 / 17 Kislev 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Miami Dolphins reinstated Ricky Williams Tuesday after he finished serving his NFL suspension. He's a world-famous running back. The government of Colombia just decided to honor Ricky Williams by placing his photograph on the five-pound bale.
Hillary Clinton sang old hymns at Grace United Methodist Church in Des Moines on Christ the King Sunday. They took up two collections to get her to stop singing. Whenever Hillary sings she sounds like a cat on its way to the tennis racket factory.
Saudi Arabia agreed to attend today's peace conference in Maryland as a favor to the Republicans. The Democrats make the Saudis feel like they're replaceable. Barack Obama is slick and John Edwards is oily and Bill Clinton is nothing if not crude.
Mike Huckabee said Sunday Americans are paying high gas prices that let Saudis finance schools that teach terrorism. We're paying to train terrorists and paying to defend against terrorists. Apparently arranging dogfights is only illegal in Virginia.
Mike Huckabee ripped President Bush Sunday for not speaking out about the Saudi rape victim who was sentenced to two hundred lashes. The president's afraid to say anything. His father is so close to the Saudis that King Abdullah packs his parachute.
Saudi Arabia's Justice Minister defended his decision to sentence a rape victim to two hundred lashes Sunday. He said she was an adulteress who was asking for it. When you make a hundred dollars a barrel you think every woman you meet is a gold digger.
Thanksgiving weekend shopping brought relief to U.S. retailers Sunday. Americans rushed into the stores just as soon as they opened. Everyone wanted to get their shopping done before all the merchandise is recalled for lead content and child labor.
GOP candidate Ron Paul was endorsed for president Saturday by a Nevada brothel owner. They aren't far apart in their views. Ron Paul believes in an immediate pullout and the brothel owner is in favor of the customer having the full fifteen minutes.
The Republican Party was reported Sunday to be recruiting very wealthy people to run for Congress using their own money. It's an awful idea. People with that much money get used to saying whatever they think, and that will end anyone's career in politics.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton