Jewish World Review Nov. 26, 2007 / 16 Kislev 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Writers Guild meets with studios today to try to end the three-week-long strike. It must be done. No one wants to say networks are buying their scripts on the street corners but in all the new pilots the crack dealer is the romantic lead.
U.S. Olympic star Marion Jones was stripped of all her Olympic medals. It seemed inevitable. She wore them into the New York Jets game at the Meadowlands on Sunday and by the time she walked through Gate D, the medals were gone and so was her lingerie.
Rudy Giuliani started campaigning in diners in New Hampshire Friday along with his television camera crews. He's really starting to annoy people. When Rudy walks into the restaurant with his handkerchief over his face, the chef takes it personally.
China would not let the USS Kitty Hawk dock in Hong Kong Thursday. The sailors had to stay on the ship for Thanksgiving. When the carrier turned around and headed back to Japan, they resisted the temptation to give the Chinese some of their lead back.
Black Friday saw millions of shoppers stampede into malls the moment the doors opened Friday. People were glued to their TV sets. Everyone wants to know what's going to happen at the Social Security office when the first Baby Boomers retire in January.
Neil Diamond said Tuesday a photograph of ten-year-old Caroline Kennedy inspired him to write Sweet Caroline thirty years ago. Those were more innocent times. Today Neil Diamond is no longer allowed to live within two hundred yards of a public school.
Senator David Vitter learned Monday he won't have to testify against Washington D.C. madam Debbie Palfrey. She performs a public service. She offers senators the chance to end their careers without having to fly all the way to the Minneapolis airport.
Saudi Arabian courts last week sentenced a female rape victim to ninety lashes for being alone with a man without a male relative present. The whipping was a public service message. Saudis want the world to know that they don't just hate Jews.
Barack Obama told a high school assembly that he drank alcohol and smoked pot in high school. He also admitted to cocaine use. Rudy Giuliani praised his honesty and expects the favor to be returned if adultery comes up during next year's debates.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton