Jewish World Review Nov. 21, 2007 / 11 Kislev 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Massachusetts will hold a ceremony Thursday celebrating the first Thanksgiving dinner held by Puritan settlers. Back in England they were nicknamed the Roundheads. Now you know why Barry Bonds has been named an honorary Thanksgiving turkey this year.
Heather Mills McCartney asked Americans Monday to cut down on eating meat, dairy and fish to help save the planet. She picked the wrong week. Thanksgiving is a time when Americans would eat her left leg if she left it on the table next to the cranberries.
CBS News writers voted to go on strike Monday, affecting the network's national newscast and CBS owned-and-operated stations. The public is confused. It's hard to know what the writers want when they go on strike because the picket signs are blank.
MTV launched MTV Arabia in Dubai Monday for people in the Middle East. It will feature groups singing in Arabic. The only downside is, in this part of the world rap artists will have to show respect for women in order to rebel against the culture.
Queen Elizabeth celebrated her sixtieth wedding anniversary with Prince Philip by attending a ceremony in Parliament. It's so different there. Britney Spears and Kevin Federline celebrated their first wedding anniversary by splitting a pack of Parliaments.
Robert Novak wrote Saturday Hillary Clinton's campaign aides are whispering that they have damaging dirt on Barack Obama but won't use it. It wouldn't help Hillary. Barack Obama has Secret Service protection, so whatever he has done, his wife can't kill him.
Ron Paul spoke in Reno Tuesday and called for abolishing the IRS and legalizing drugs and restoring the gold standard and living free. The crowd's reception was very cool. If the whole country were like that, there would be no need for Nevada.
Jack Nicholson said last week he was once offered the chance to buy the New York Yankees. We're lucky that didn't happen. Imagine a world where Darryl Strawberry has to tell reporters he's doing all he can to get the team owner the help he needs.
Bill Clinton caused a storm by telling an audience in Iowa that Hillary can handle herself against the boys. Her campaign assured reporters that the term boys is simply an old Southern slang term. It is, but not for white presidential candidates.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton