Jewish World Review Nov. 20, 2007 / 10 Kislev 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Barry Bonds was indicted on federal perjury charges Thursday, ending his baseball career. Nobody misses him in San Francisco. They've been scooping the oil out of the bay and making just as much money as they used to make selling the home run balls.
Fox News showed a New Hampshire turkey farmer Sunday who fattens up his holiday turkeys by feeding them Coors. It's a start. Now if he could get all the turkeys in New Hampshire drunk, it just might make the next presidential debate worth watching.
Rickey Williams was allowed to rejoin the Miami Dolphins Friday after four suspensions for pot. The city has a casual approach to law enforcement. The Miami Dolphins team drug policy is the same as Miami's immigration policy: nobody gets a fifth chance.
French transportation workers went on strike Friday, shutting down all buses and subway service. That thirty-five-hour work week leaves them exhausted. There aren't enough hours in the day for the people of France to balance work, family and adultery.
Detroit moved past St. Louis Sunday on the FBI list of most dangerous cities in the United States. The fan excitement is building. With St. Louis out of the way, Detroit will play the winner of Baghdad versus Mogadishu for the Capone Cup next June.
MTV launched a new channel in Dubai Monday called MTV Arabia, for people in the Middle East. All the songs will be performed by Arab rock groups and Arab rap artists. If all goes well, in six months Israel will be the ally and the enemy will be downloading.
John McCain declared on Sunday that if he wins the nomination, he will reject Secret Service protection. He's extremely cocky. After the North Vietnamese and his stand in favor of illegal immigration failed to kill him, he concluded that he's bulletproof.
Hillary Clinton was endorsed by a sheet metal workers' union convention in Las Vegas Sunday. She worked the crowd hard. She's in competition with the blackjack tables to get twenty-three hundred dollars out of each of them before they leave town.
Rudy Giuliani took the stadium microphone at the NASCAR Ford 400 race Sunday in rural Florida and said America must break its dependence on foreign oil. It drew huge cheers from the race fans. Everyone in the crowd operates a corn still, and since the ethanol subsidies were passed they are getting ten times the price per jug.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton