Jewish World Review Nov. 16, 2007 / 6 Kislev 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Writers Guild continued picketing Hollywood movie studios for a new contract this week. The studios' first concern is to maintain good relations with the most creative minds in Hollywood. They'd never do anything to offend the accountants.
Condoleezza Rice went on the Sunday talk shows with no news of any Middle East peace progress. Her job is to improve America's ranking in the world. Germany remains number-one in the poll despite the last two losses, due to their strength of schedule.
Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal bought his own jumbo airliner on Sunday. When Muslims are off the ground they are free to violate their religion's strict ban on the use of alcohol. Protestants get the same waiver the moment they land in Las Vegas.
Washington D.C. hosted a UFO convention Monday made up of people who have either seen alien spaceships or believe they exist. It's no longer cute. We used to laugh at these people who saw things that didn't exist until they got us into a war in Iraq.
Hillary Clinton led the field of Democratic presidential candidates who met for a debate last night in front of an audience in Las Vegas. Everybody ought to come to Las Vegas just once in their lives. It's like being Bill Clinton for a day.
The Russian Navy rushed to rescue capsized oil tankers in the Black Sea this week after they were wrecked by twenty-foot waves. Officials said one thousand tons of oil spilled into the Black Sea. Until the invention of the automobile it was known as the Blue Sea.
Nancy Pelosi flew to San Francisco Monday where she slammed the U.S. Coast Guard over the sixty-thousand-gallon oil spill. She's angry they didn't notify the city when the spill occurred. Ever since the Coast Guard was folded into the Homeland Security Department they've been instructed that anything involving oil is Top Secret.
The New England Patriots dismissed Don Shula's suggestion that their won-lost record this year should have an asterisk next to it for cheating. All they did was illegally videotape the opposing New York Jets for the first five plays of their first game. It's not really cheating in New York until Rudy Giuliani's wife changes the locks.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton