Jewish World Review Nov. 6, 2007 / 25 Mar-Cheshvan 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Egypt unveiled King Tut's body for the first time on Sunday at his tomb on the Nile. The boy pharaoh still commands awe and respect after three thousand years. The State Department just asked if he could be propped up and placed in charge of Iraq.
Dog the Bounty Hunter lost his television show Wednesday after he was secretly tape-recorded using racist language. His son taped him and sold it to the National Enquirer. It's heartwarming to see a kid turn somebody in for money just like his dad.
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger startled listeners last week when he ad-libbed that marijuana is not a drug, it's a leaf. It caused widespread dismay. The writers weren't even on strike yet and already the actors didn't know what to say.
Fred Thompson learned Sunday his campaign co-chairman Philip Martin sold pot and cocaine many years ago. The candidate has been using the businessman's private jet instead of flying commercial. Now the vexing question for Fred Thompson is, what's for lunch?
NASA celebrated Sunday when an astronaut heroically risked his life on a space walk to repair the space station solar panels. Now he's got real problems. Already two female astronauts are driving from Texas to Florida in diapers to congratulate him.
Hillary Clinton denied Sunday she is secretive about her past work on health care reform. She said people don't understand how the National Archives handles their documents. The public can see everything once they get Sandy Berger's pants off.
Joe Torre agreed Thursday to manage the Los Angeles Dodgers for a ton of money, just a week after being fired by New York. There's a lesson here. If you can smile when things go terribly wrong, Los Angeles is the capital of denial.
Dennis Kucinich stole the show at the Democratic presidential debate Tuesday when he revealed he saw a UFO twenty years ago in the Pacific Northwest. However, he's not an idiot. He said he does not favor giving driver's licenses to space aliens.
Hillary Clinton was ripped by Democratic candidates Tuesday for supporting the idea of giving illegal aliens driver's licenses. Do they know how easy it is to get one? If you think Mexicans are good at construction work you should see them laminate.
The Pew Research Center poll on Wednesday said Hillary Clinton would beat Rudy Giuliani in a landslide nationwide. The wording of the question may have influenced the outcome. The pollsters asked, who do you think looks better in a dress?
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton