Home
In this issue
February 10, 2012
Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: The biblical case against small-mindedness involved diminishing His precious prophet
Caroline B. Glick: The Peace Process is over. Finally
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
Rachel Koning Beals: Gen X Women Continue to Shrink Gender Investing Gap
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Durand: Who Says You Can't Make Restaurant Favorites at Home?: MANGO AND STICKY RICE
February 9, 2012
Jeff Strickler: An argument a day keeps the divorce away, they say
Clifford D. May: CAIR's Crusade against The Third Jihad
Melissa Healy: Study finds jolt to the brain boosts memory
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
Emily Brandon: 10 Necessities for a Great Retirement Spot
The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Winter Squash and Red Swiss Chard Risotto is Colorful Cozy Cold Weather Fare (includes detailed dos and don'ts)
February 8, 2012
Rivy Poupko Kletenik: Tree hostility: The auspicious history of the evolution of Tu B'Shevat
Steven Emerson: Planting Trees is Racist?!
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Anne Applebaum: Russia's Potemkin democracy
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
Emily Brandon: 10 Necessities for a Great Retirement Spot
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Kathleen Hennessey and Christi Parsons: Obama not worried that birth-control move will hurt his re-election chances with Catholics, other faithful
Caroline B. Glick: Obama's rhetorical storm
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
David Francis: How to Avoid an IRS Audit
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen: These homemade energy bars (3 recipes) are far better workout fuel than commercial ones, packing power and taste
February 6, 2012
Scott Peterson: Iran's top ayatollah: We're trumping the West
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Philip Moeller: Where Smart Investors Put Their Money
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: Vegetable Frittata --- leftovers never tasted so scrumptious
February 3, 2012
Rabbi Dr. Warren Goldstein: Living with ideals --- in reality
Caroline B. Glick: Fool me twice
Jonathan Tobin : Adelsonphobia Strikes in Nevada Caucus
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Kimberly Palmer : 8 Ways to Get Ready for Retirement Now
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Durand: A quick cookie recipe: Hazelnut and Olive Oil Shortbread: Sweet, Nutty, and Savory
February 2, 2012
Rabbi Yaakov Rosenblatt : Welcome Home, Governor Perry
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Kelsey Sheehy : 5 Tips for Choosing an M.B.A. Concentration
Rachel Koning Beals : Investors Increasingly Tap Social Media for Stock Tips
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Savory vegetable pie is a taste of European bistro with minimal effort and maximal flavor
February 1, 2012
Nara Schoenberg: What to do when you've been dissed
Michelle Malkin: First, They Came for the Catholics
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Lisa M. Krieger: Possible breakthrough in preventing Alzheimer's
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
Susan Johnston: 5 Apps for Organizing Your Expenses at Tax Time
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: The famed chef's Broccoli and White Bean Soup can easily be a lunch in itself, or a nice antipasto --- and is hard to mess up
January 31, 2012
Paul Greenberg: Separation of Church and State works two ways
Caroline B. Glick: Hamas and the Washington establishment
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: Uncle Sam is joining in efforts to crack down on Islamists' critics
Danielle Kurtzleben: The 10 Worst Cities for Finding a Job
Laura McMullen: 3 Tips to Overcome a Bad Grade in College
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Durand: Orzo dish mixes plump, chewy grains with caramelized onions, garlic, mushrooms and sweet potato
January 30, 2012
Rabbi Avi Shafran: Blind faith and physics
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
Menachem Wecker: 3 Do's and Don'ts for Healthy Studying in College
The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Butternut Squash Gratin with Tomato Fondue is a combination of the sweet and creamy
January 27, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: What Pharaoh can teach us sophisticates about being stubborn
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen: Barigoule is a light and tangy dish of artichoke hearts stewed in white wine
January 26, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Newt the closet anti-Semite?
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Martin Peretz: One Year Later: The Failure of the Arab Spring
Rachel Koning Beals: Need to Know info before investing in Muni Bonds this year
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross: Curried Coconut Carrot Soup. Need we say more?
January 25, 2012
Andrew Silow-Carroll: Speak politics the Jewish way!
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
Menachem Wecker: Adding an extra 'm' -- marriage -- to that M.B.A.
Melissa Healy: Harnessing shrooms' magic
The Kosher Gourmet by Hilary Meyer: 3 Secrets Leave All of the Comfort in this 'Comfort Food', but few of the Calories
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Jada A. Graves: 6 Careers to Watch in 2012
Jason Koebler: Who Should Have Access to Student Records?
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: This luscious fruit bread marries toasted pecans with juicy pears. Perfect with a pot of tea
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Stephanie Hanes: Toddlers to tweens: Relearning how to play
Jack Kelly : Still ignoring history
Rachel Koning Beals: Awkward Questions You Must Ask Your Financial Adviser
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen: Spanakopita is a golden pie that manages to be healthy yet still taste indulgent
January 19, 2012
Clifford D. May: How terrorists lose their stigma
Suzanne Bohan: Vanquishing social anxieties without drugs
Lisa Fernandez and Sean Webby: In alternative lifestyle, domestic violence means men as victims and women being abusers
Danielle Kurtzleben: The 10 Best Cities for Finding a Job
The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Three bean soup with gremolata
January 18, 2012
Edward I. Koch: Why the Crocodile Tears, Hillary?
David G. Savage: Supreme Court to Principals: You have been warned
George Friedman of Stratfor: Iran, the U.S. and the Strait of Hormuz Crisis
Jason Koebler: 'Holy Grail' of Flu Vaccines by Next Year
Alex M. Parker: The Off-the-Radar Congressional Targets of 2012
The Kosher Gourmet by Susan Russo: Got soft apples? Make Apple-Maple Walnut Breakfast Quinoa
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
Sharon Palmer, R.D.: Believe it or not, your cuppa joe offers potential health perks
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen: Eleventh-Hour Freezer Pasta, Made Interesting: Ravioli with romesco sauce; Tortellini salad with apples and walnuts
January 13, 2012
Chief Rabbi Dr. Warren Goldstein: Expansion Of Spirit (PROFOUND yet UPLIFTING)
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Rachel Koning Beals:Top Complaints About Daily Deal Sites --- how to avoid missteps
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Braised Oxtail Stew with Olives
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
Ken Dilanian and David S. Cloud: In secret study, CIA and 15 other U.S. intelligence agencies warn Obama against leaving Afghanistan too soon
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
Menachem Wecker : 4 Technology Must Haves for Online Students
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
Rachel Koning Beals: Should You Invest in Bond Funds or Individual Issues?
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Durand : Colorful Lentil Salad with Walnuts and Herbs
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
Paul Bedard: Study: Is Fox Too Balanced?
Rachel Koning Beals: Is it Time to Move into Homebuilder Stocks?
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: Brothy Chinese Noodles

Half the Sodium (and More Than Twice the Fiber!)

January 9, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: The land-for-peace hoax (MUST-READ/FORWARD/SHARE)
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
Bonnie Miller Rubin: The new college-admission essay: Short and tweet(ish)
Rachel Koning Beals: Why Mid-Caps Stand Out in This Slow-Growth Stretch
The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Cumin seed roasted cauliflower with salted yogurt, mint and pomegranate seeds
January 6, 2012
Jonathan Rosenblum: Greatness --- and those who sully it
Clifford D. May: The Historian, the Diplomat, and the Spy
Paul Bedard: Study: Obama Is Late Night's Biggest Joke
Rachel Koning Beals: An Investing Guide to Closed-End Funds
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Durand: Slow Cooker Peppered Beef Shank in Red Wine

Jewish World Review Nov. 28, 2007 / 18 Kislev 5768

Out with the old

By Malcolm Fleschner


Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I will be the first to admit that I don't know much about women. Or maybe the second, if my wife is in the room at the time. But one indisputable life lesson I have picked up about the fair sex is that no woman, regardless of race, creed, religion, sexual preference or even gender, will ever mind being told that she looks young for her age.


I take advantage of this piece of knowledge whenever possible, such as when I'm introduced to a woman who tells me that she's a grandmother.


"You have grandchildren?" I'll ask, incredulous. "I refuse to believe it. You're obviously much too young to be a grandmother." I might also add a teasing demand to see a driver's license for proof of age.


In return I almost always receive a smile and an earnest, "No, really, I am." No woman has ever responded by affixing me with a steely glare and saying, "What are you, some kind of wise guy? See these age spots? I look old enough to have dated Calvin Coolidge."


Of course, the truth is that in our youth-obsessed culture, almost everyone wants to look younger. Which explains why American women get suckered into spending millions of dollars every year on phony "age-defying" creams advertised on TV. An actress like Salma Hayek will appear on the screen and explain that any woman over 40 can look every bit as terrific as Salma does. All they have to do is use the advertised product every day. That and look like Salma Hayek to begin with.


We men may have our shortcomings, but at least we would never waste our money on worthless, phony-baloney anti-aging creams. Not when we can spend our money on worthless, phony-baloney "male enhancement" products, that is.


But generally speaking, men's aging-related concerns are less about appearance and more about performance. That's why the erectile dysfunction product commercials featuring men in their 50s alongside sexy, thirtysomething wives are so effective. Imagine the horror, these ads imply, of finally dumping your wrinkled old wife, taking up with a young hottie and then being unable to perform? What's the point!


These ads are also remarkable for the subtle symbolism they employ, as in the Levitra commercial in which a man with graying temples repeatedly tries but fails to throw a football through a nearby tire swing, while his young, attractive wife looks on disappointedly. Until the Levitra theme music kicks in, that is, at which point the man starts firing frozen ropes through that baby and, not surprisingly, the missus' spirits perk up considerably.

Donate to JWR


Some people feel these ads are in poor taste, but not me. Frankly, I'd like to see erectile dysfunction product ads more like the feminine hygiene product commercials where two women talk about their intimate body odor issues as casually as most people discuss the weather. My ad would open with two train engineers, clad in striped overalls, engineers' caps and red handkerchiefs, sharing a cup of coffee. One would say to the other, "Bill, have you ever had times with Alice when you just couldn't, well, get the train into the tunnel, if you know what I mean?" The ad would end with the same engineer, having found out about the latest ED pill, speeding his train into a tunnel while excitedly whooping and repeatedly pulling the steam whistle.


Realistically, however, there's not much we can do to slow the aging process, so instead we pretend that age doesn't matter, employing silly platitudes like, "50 is the new 30" and "60 is the new 40." Frankly, rather than reassuring me, these sentiments tend to make me worried that there's a government conspiracy afoot to deny us Social Security benefits.


Social Security Agent: "Oh, I'm sorry. It says here that you're only 65. Officially, that's the new 50. You won't be eligible until you're, um, hang on, let me check my chart, 78. That's the new 65."


To date, one of the only proven effective methods for extending longevity has been a practice known as "calorie restriction" that involves eating such a limited diet that the body shifts into a perpetual "survival" mode that delays the aging process. While achieving a small international following, calorie restricted diets have not gained much of a foothold in the United States, perhaps proving that the only thing Americans care more about than looking youthful is that we get to keep on stuffing our fat faces.


Of course, ultimately, all this focus on looking young is merely a cover for our worries about what happens when we actually do stop aging. So we'd probably all be a lot better off if we stopped fearing the inevitable and started embracing the fate that awaits us all. If it helps, I recently heard that dead is the new 70.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

11/06/07: My latest pet project
11/06/07: Can't tune it out
10/23/07: Something special in the hair
09/12/07: Can I have your attention, please?
09/12/07: Houston, we have an image problem
08/21/07: In the heat of fashion
08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

Insight (Our Columnists)

 Arnold Ahlert
 Mitch Albom
 Jay Ambrose
 Michael Barone
 Barrywood
 Tony Blankley
 Lori Borgman
 Stratfor Briefing
 Mona Charen
 Linda Chavez
 Richard Z. Chesnoff
 Ann Coulter
 Greg Crosby
 Alan Douglas
 Larry Elder
 Suzanne Fields
 Frank J. Gaffney
 Bernie Goldberg
 Jonah Goldberg
 Julia Gorin
 Jonathan Gurwitz
 Paul Greenberg
 Argus Hamilton
 Victor Davis Hanson
 Betsy Hart
 Ron Hart
 Nat Hentoff
 Marybeth Hicks
 David Horowitz
 Jeff Jacoby
 Renee James
 Paul Johnson
 Jack Kelly
 Ed Koch
 Ch. Krauthammer
 Michael Ledeen
 John Leo
 David Limbaugh
 Kathryn Lopez
 Rich Lowry
 Michelle Malkin
 Jackie Mason
 Ann McFeatters
 Dale McFeatters
 Dana Milbank
 Jeanne Moos
 Dick Morris
 Jim Mullen
 Deroy Murdock
 Judge A. Napolitano
 Bill O'Reilly
 Kathleen Parker
 Star Parker
 Dennis Prager
 Wesley Pruden
 Tom Purcell
 Sharon Randall
 Robert Robb
 Cokie & Steve Roberts
 Heather Robinson
 Pat Sajak
 Debra J. Saunders
 Martin Schram
 Culture Shlock
 David Shribman
 Roger Simon
 Michael Smerconish
 Thomas Sowell
 Ben Stein
 Mark Steyn
 John Stossel
 Cal Thomas
 Dan Thomasson
 Bob Tyrrell
 Ben Wattenberg
 Diana West
 Dave Weinbaum
 George Will
 Walter Williams
 Byron York
 ZeitGeist
 Mort Zuckerman

'Toons
 Robert Arial
 Chuck Asay
 Baloo
 Chip Bok
 Dry Bones
  Lisa Benson
 John Branch
 John Cole
 J. D. Crowe
 John Deering
 Brian Duffy
 Everything's Relative
 Mallard Fillmore
 Glenn Foden
 Jake Fuller
 Bob Gorrel
 Joe Heller
 David Hitch
 Jerry Holbert
 Lee Judge
 Steve Kelley
 Jeff Koterba
 Dick Locher
 Jimmy Margulies
 Rick McKee
 Michael Ramirez
 Kevin Siers
 Jeff Stahler
 Ed Stein
 Danna Summers
 John Trever
 Gary Varvel
 Kirk Walters

Lifestyles
 Mr. Know-It-All
 Dr. Peter Gott
 GET A JOB! by Marty Nemko
 Richard Lederer
 Frugal Living
 Tech Maven
 On Nutrition
 Bookmark These
 Bruce Williams