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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
Nov. 3, 2006
/ 12 Mar-Cheshvan, 5767
Hounded
By
Gene Weingarten
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
My wife and I just got a new puppy, from the pound. Getting a pound puppy is very different from buying from a breeder. If you are going to purchase a purebred (e.g., a rare Belgian Mincing Oui Oui), you must first pass the following rigorous, two-tier owner-suitability test:
1. Do you have cash?
2. Excellent!
But pound-puppy adoption involves a greater degree of screening. Actually, it involves a greater degree of screening than for, say, air-traffic controllers. You have to give two references, and they are, indeed, called (one was our friend Libby, who is a major-league smartass, and who we feared might well say we prepare delicious Puppy in Bechamel Sauce); you have to answer an elaborate questionnaire about the science and philosophy of dog care; you have to agree to an in-home visit by a professional snoop, presumably to look for dog-interrogation dungeons. And, because my wife and I have different last names, we were asked three times to confirm, not that it mattered, but still, just for the record, that we are not living in sin.
Our puppy and her sister had been rescued from an extremely rustic northern Virginia county composed mostly of shotgun enthusiasts and second-year cosmetology students. The diet staple of the county is weasel jerky. The average household consists of Cletus and Sharleen and the young 'un, Skeeter, who acts a little hinky but is fine if you don't rile him none. Actual true fact: Two of the towns in this county are named "Fleeburg" and "Leaksville."
The local dogs are often used for huntin' and tend not to look like Belgian Mincing Oui Ouis, if you get my meaning. Our puppy looked like a local dog, in that she kind of resembled a nocturnal burrowing mammal. We assumed she was a mutt but were surprised to discover she is an actual breed, recognized by the American Kennel Club. Not that she is fancy. Most breed names tend to sound elegant, such as "Dandie Dinmont terrier," or "Bouvier des Flandres." Ours is a "Plott hound."
Plott hounds are strong dogs with good temperaments.
The dog books contain only one ominous line about them: Their bark is described as "bugle-like." It was mainly for that reason that we chose our puppy over her equally cute sister. Unlike her sister, this one never made a sound. We went for the quiet, timid one.
On the advice of my wise friend Horace, we decided not to name the puppy for a few days. "Dogs name themselves," Horace assured me. "A dog will reveal its name to you if you are paying attention."
It was good advice, deep and perceptive and charming. But we had to ignore it, because if we hadn't, based on our hour-long ride home with our new puppy, we would have had to name her: "Yowrowrowrlowrowr lowwowowowowrowrla ROOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOO," which wouldn't fit on a dog tag.
Conversation over her yowling was somewhat difficult.
Me: What's this like?
My wife: What?
Me: (yelling) I think it's like listening to a police siren made of meat!
My wife: WHAT?
Me: (yelling) No, wait. It's like Satan yodeling!
As I write this, we have had our puppy for three days, and we already love her. She has quieted down, mostly. We are engaged in the single most urgent enterprise with a new puppy, which is potty training, and it is going quite well except for the poop and pee all over our house. Puppies do not have reliable internal telemetry systems, so they can't effectively alert you to impending events. As my wife observed, this puppy basically says to us, "Hey, Mom 'n' Dad! I am going to poop in five seconds, fourthreetwoone.''
It's particularly entertaining poop. If you've ever had a pound puppy, you know they come with worms. It's basically a standard feature, like wiper blades. So we're dealing with that.
Also, she likes to eat plants in our garden, but only the poisonous ones. And, she's still a little insecure, to the extent that every time either of us goes to the bathroom, she sits outside the door and howls in grief until we emerge. It's hard to concentrate on Sudoku.
My wife and I got many intriguing suggestions for what to name this dog. But we passed on "Mulva" and "Gipple." We have settled on "Murphy."
My wife is thinking "Murphy Brown," which is dandy.
Me, I'm thinking "Murphy's Law."
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.
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