In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Nov. 29, 2006 / 9 Kislev, 5767

Halt your motion toward the lotion

By Celia Rivenbark

Celia Rivenbark
Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The holidays are here and for most of you that means loading up the car and driving to the mall — where you will proceed to mindlessly buy lotion for every woman on your gift list.

I have two words for this "all lotion all the time" gift mentality that seems to have cropped up in the past couple of years: "Y'all, stop."

I am sure I'm not alone (although after sampling that kumquat-and-mince lotion somebody gave me last year, it's a wonder I'm not, on account of "Phew-y!") when I say that the Estrogen Nation has enough lotion. More than enough. I personally have enough gift lotion to lubricate the entire membership of the Red Hat Society.

And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Lotion is the new candle. In fact, if someone could figure out a way to either set lotion on fire OR rub candles all over your body, it would be the perfect gift.

Except that it's not.

I know that those of you out there who take things Very Seriously Indeed are bristling at the suggestion that everyone doesn't love a big, honkin' assorted gift pack of lotions that smells like brownies, spice cookies and rum toddies.

Trust me; we'd much rather have the real thing.

The sad, and slighty greasy, truth is that every woman I know has at least one bathroom cabinet overflowing with enough lotions in tubes, tubs and bottles to last approximately 36 years.

Of course some lotions are nice to receive: the kinds that are sealed up really well so you can easily get the cash for them when you take `em back to the store rank way up there at the tippy top of the list. OK, they're the only kind on the list.

The thing is: Most women know what kind of lotion they like and they buy it for themselves. Unless you know that, too, there's a good chance that your Extract of Guava Seed & Strep or whatever isn't ever going to be used.

The nation's obsession with Lotion As the Easy Gift has managed to accomplish the impossible, at least in my mind: It's starting to make the beef stick look good.

The lotion notion is just one more reason I hope that I'll never have to live in the nursing home because that's when the lotion-giving really ramps up. At the home, they have to rent those portable storage "pods" to hold all the lotions AND slipper socks given to the women residents over the years by this or that well-intentioned doofus cousin who hasn't visited in person since the Carter administration.

Like I said, "Y'all stop."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here.

Sudoku's got my husband's number
One short stack of smarts, please
Spa me the kids
IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation
Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness
Girls' pajama parties a little different now
Welcome back for guilt-free manly man
A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs
Girls' pajama parties a little different now
When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome
Ageless icons can't escape their ages
Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy

Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’

© 2006, The Sun News (Myrtle Beach, S.C.) Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services