Jewish World Review Nov. 29, 2006 / 8 Kislev, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Michael Irvin apologized for saying Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo must be part black because he's so athletically gifted. Turnabout's fair play. For many years people thought Michael Irvin must be part white from all the cocaine he's done.
NFL Network begins airing Thursday and Saturday games next week, added to the Sunday and Monday games, college games on Saturday, and high school games on Friday. Many are upset. It only leaves Tuesday for all the football players to dance with the stars.
Pamela Anderson announced to reporters Monday she is ending her three-month marriage to Kid Rock. During the press conference she was positively glowing. That means she's either in love again or she just ate lunch with a Russian spy.
Great Britain expressed anger over Russia poisoning a former spy in a London restaurant last week. They put polonium in his food. Nobody's made anything this lethal since Pillsbury sponsored a bake-off between Hillary Clinton and Barbara Bush.
Hugo Chavez led the polls Monday before this week's presidential election in Venezuela. He ripped the U.S., blasted the invasion of Iraq and called President Bush a warmonger. You would think he was running for president of the Screen Actors Guild.
Al Gore said Monday that none of the presidential candidates have adopted an adequate platform on the environment. His prediction that the hurricane season would be disastrous didn't pan out. He can't believe the exit polls were wrong again.
Wal-Mart on Monday reported a drop in sales of one-tenth of one percent from a year ago. It was no surprise. When only three Wal-Mart greeters were stampeded to death on the day after Thanksgiving everyone knew it was going to be a slow year.
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton