Jewish World Review Nov. 9, 2006 / 18 Mar-Cheshvan, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Britney Spears made international headlines in Los Angeles Tuesday when the pop star filed for divorce from her unemployed rapper husband Kevin Federline. She's an old-fashioned girl. It's a tradition on Election Day to throw the bums out.
Democratic Party candidates routed the Republicans Tuesday in a historic congressional election. The whole world was watching. In a welcome change of pace, Baghdad television news reported all day about the bloodbath in Washington.
Election Day prompted great rejoicing Tuesday as Americans were finally able to watch television without any campaign commercials. Don't get used to it. The next morning the presidential race looked like Wal-Mart on the day after Thanksgiving.
President Bush held a press conference in the White House Wednesday to talk about the election results. He urged Democrats to work with him. They intend to work with him, the way ten-year-old boys with magnifying glasses work with ants.
Hillary Clinton swept to victory Tuesday, winning seventy percent of the vote in New York. She spent thirty million dollars on television, flowers, catering and photography. She could be the first American ever to be elected Queen of France.
U.S. Senator Bobby Byrd was elected to his ninth term in the Senate on Tuesday by West Virginia voters. He's eighty-eight years old. In his victory speech he congratulated fellow Democrats and urged President Eisenhower to work with Congress.
NFL quarterback Heath Shuler was elected to Congress on Tuesday. New members will all go through freshman orientation in January. Heath Shuler will be told if he throws any passes to the House pages he'd better have a football in his hand.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton