Jewish World Review Nov. 1, 2006 / 10 Mar-Cheshvan, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Washington Post reported Sunday on record spending on campaign ads. They all talk about strength and security and family. To save money, some candidates are just running Levitra ads with a tag line saying that they approved this message.
The World Series last week drew record low television ratings. Baseball just made sure that won't happen again. Next year the commissioner is going to revise the steroid policy so only the Yankees and the Dodgers are allowed to use them.
Dean Martin's family struck a deal Tuesday to license his name, image and likeness. It's time they got a share of Dino's success. At America West, the pilots' lounge is named after him and the family isn't getting a penny out of it.
Bill Clinton introduced the Rolling Stones at the Beacon Theater in New York Sunday at a concert to raise money for his foundation. He charged half a million dollars for a backstage pass. For that kind of money Hillary lets him grope anybody.
West Hollywood had its annual Halloween parade Tuesday in which thousands of costumed transvestites marched down Santa Monica Boulevard. It's shocking how many congressmen attend every year. The party starts as soon as the schools let out.
Michael J. Fox spoke in Columbus on Monday where he asked voters to back stem cell research. He once played a right-wing conservative teenager in Family Ties, which was set in Columbus. He could become the first actor in history to win a back-dated Emmy.
The New York Post endorsed Hillary Clinton for Senate even though the tabloid is owned by Fox News founder Rupert Murdoch. Every tabloid publisher wants the Clintons in office. You don't need a Republican tax cut if you don't sell any papers.
Democratic Senator Robert Byrd is headed for reelection in West Virginia. He reaches inside his front pocket and pulls out a copy of the U.S. Constitution to remind anyone when they break it. If he dies it will be from carpal tunnel syndrome.
Kentucky Fried Chicken agreed Monday to remove the trans fat from the grease in the fryer. The restaurant chain still insists there's nothing wrong with the way they prepare their chickens. They tell them flat out that they are going to die.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton