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Jewish World Review Nov. 6, 2006 / 15 Mar-Cheshvan, 5767
Kerry sets timetable for withdrawal from joke
By Andy Borowitz
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Could be out of botched witticism by early '08
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass), who imperiled Democrats' chances of victory in the midterm elections by performing what he called "a botched joke" last week, attempted today to correct his mistake by announcing a phased withdrawal from the failed witticism.
Sen. Kerry originally attempted to explain his comedic misfire by inserting the word "us" into the joke, a word he claimed was missing from his original rendition.
But after the insertion of "us" into the wisecrack still failed to make the remark funny, the Massachusetts senator decided to announce a phased withdrawal from the joke entirely.
"Clearly, trying to make this joke work is a failed policy," a somber Sen. Kerry said at a press conference in Boston. "It is time to pull the 'us' out of this joke."
The 2004 Democratic Party standard-bearer said that in addition to withdrawing the "us" from his lame punch line, he plans to remove one word a week from the joke with an eye towards a complete pullout by early 2008.
"I have decided to put an end to the bombing," Sen. Kerry said.
But even as Sen. Kerry was announcing plans for a phased withdrawal from his horrible gag, prominent members of the standup comedy community were harshly critical of the senator's decision.
"When one of my jokes fails, I stay and fight," said the noted comedian known as Carrot Top. "I don't cut and run like John Kerry."
Elsewhere, amid rumors that Angelina Jolie is pregnant again, an Ethiopian couple came forward to adopt her unborn child.