I can hardly wait until Election Day. Once Tuesday passes, the mailbox will be four pounds lighter each day and invective from the radio commercials will be muted. Television stations can go back to all the feminine hygiene commercials.
So some of you don't share my enthusiasm? If you don't want to vote, you're not the only one thinking about riding it out. The Census Bureau did an analysis of reasons people don't vote, and yours is probably in here somewhere.
"Too busy, conflicting schedule" was the top reason. Sure, you might have to leave the house earlier, cut away on your lunch hour, or stand in line after work, and for what? Just to perpetuate the greatest democratic republic in the history of the world? Like that's reason enough to miss a "Seinfeld" rerun.
Who wants to wake up early? I can appreciate the fact that you need your sleep. Those bags under your eyes aren't pretty. Ben Franklin said there will be plenty of time to sleep in the grave, but who can believe a guy in a powdered wig?
The next most cited reason was, "Not interested, felt vote would not make a difference." There's a lot of truth to that one — your vote will not make a difference if you never cast it.
The next group listed "illness or disability (own or family's)" as a reason for not voting. Some said they didn't vote because they were out of town or away from home.
Others simply forgot to vote. I guess they didn't have any campaign signs clogging front yards in their neighborhood. Others cited transportation problems.
Then there was the "lines too long" excuse. Sometimes the lines are long. I find it helpful to pretend I'm at Wal-Mart — that the cashier just flipped on the flashing light, ripped the cash drawer out of the register and is now filing her nails waiting for the manager (who is on lunch break).
The last reason cited for not voting was "don't know." I'd tell that group a story about the murder of voting rights activists and state troopers firing on peaceful people crossing a bridge in Selma, Alabama — all for unrestricted voting rights — but I'm half afraid they'd say, "don't care."
And then there's the too-cool-to-vote contingency.
So what if none of the candidates totally represent your views? Nobody totally represents my views either. Actually, I'm the only one who completely represents my views, but fortunately I have the good sense not to run for office. A trade-off could be finding a candidate who sort of represents your views. Like horseshoes, being close can count toward a win.
There are a lot of special interest groups hoping you don't vote on Election Day. Count the terrorists among them.
My question to those of you who won't bother to vote is this: Do you not have a single antagonistic bone in your entire apathetic body?
Candidates have spent thousands of dollars stuffing your mailbox, bombarding the airwaves, distorting their opponents' views and annoying you with automated phone calls. So get out there and vote for the other guy!
I look at it this way: If you forgo the right to vote, you forgo the right to gripe.
Do you honestly think you can keep quiet for the next two years?
