Just in time for Thanksgiving, we're serving up some of America's greatest
lawsuit "turkeys."
"Thanksgiving isn't the only time for turkeys," commented Orange County
Citizens Against Lawsuit Abuse (OCALA) Executive Director Maryann Maloney.
"Lawsuit turkeys like these gobble up taxpayer dollars and fatten up
lawyers' wallets."
And just in case you missed some of the scariest lawsuits of the year while
sugar-high on Halloween we've added some ghastly medical-legal hobgoblins.
(ONION) RING AROUND THE COURTROOM
A Chicago man filed a lawsuit for $50,000 against a restaurant after hot
grease burned his arm when biting into an "unreasonably dangerous" onion
ring. The man claimed he suffered great pain and anguish in mind and body
following the incident. (Chicago Sun-Times, September 30, 2004)
EAT, DON'T DRINK & BE MERRY
Connecticut's Attorney General has banned the import of a holiday beer from
England on the grounds that the label might entice minors to drink the
beer. The bitter winter ale called "Seriously Bad Elf," comes complete
with a drawing of an elf with a slingshot firing Christmas ornaments at
Santa's sleigh. (CBS 4 Boston, October 28, 2005)
FINGER LICKIN' GOOD
A Las Vegas woman planted a human fingertip which she bought from her
husband's co-worker injured in an industrial accident in a bowl of Wendy's
chili. The woman then filed a lawsuit against the franchise owner claiming
she suffered from "severe distress." After an investigation the woman and
her husband were arrested and pleaded guilty to felony conspiracy and
attempted grand theft. (San Francisco Chronicle, September 9, 2005)
LAWSUIT FLY TRAP
An Ontario couple filed a lawsuit after discovering a fly in a bottle of
water. The two claimed they were so traumatized after the incident that
they allegedly suffered from nightmares and loss of sleep. The husband
also claimed he "lost his sense of humor and became argumentative and
edgy," among other ill consequences. (Windsor Star, April 26, 2005)
Now that's an understatement!
CUCKOO FOR COCOA SUITS
A mother of two filed a lawsuit against several cereal companies contending
their products are not as healthy as consumers are led to believe.
According to the suit, the woman became alarmed after watching a news story
where it was reported that even low-sugar cereals have little nutritional
benefit. (San Diego Union-Tribune, March 29, 2005)
And we thought the lawyers were suing food makers for too many calories?
GAMBLING DEMONS
A man filed a class-action lawsuit for millions of dollars against drug
manufacturers claiming the medication he took to control Parkinson's
disease turned him into a compulsive gambler. (CBC News, Toronto, May 9,
2005)
TRICK OR TREAT
A personal injury lawyer in Florida had his paralegal take training to be
admitted as a hospital chaplain, whereupon he solicited clients while
wearing a pastor's uniform. (www.overlawyered.com, March 28, 2005)
PHANTOM PAINS
A New York City firefighter filed a lawsuit claiming he developed asthma as
a result of 9/11, even though he didn't even join the department until
months after the attack. (New York Post, March 24, 2005)
FEAR FACTOR
A viewer sued NBC for $2.5 million contending that he threw up because of a
'Fear Factor' episode in which contestants ate rats mixed in a blender.
(Associated Press, March 10, 2005)
HAUNTED BY HOMEWORK
A 17-year old student and his father filed a lawsuit against his high
school arguing that mandatory summer homework should not have been assigned
in the honors math class the student wanted to take. (Wisconsin Gazette,
March 9, 2005)
FRIGHTENING FREIGHTER
A woman and her son sued a cruise line after getting sick on a cruise where
they said toilets overflowed and crew members were seen with prostitutes at
ports of call. The lawsuit seeks compensation for pain and suffering;
emotional distress; loss of earnings; legal fees and medical expenses,
including a colonoscopy and hemorrhoid surgery.(Reuters, April 1, 2005)
Lawsuit abuse can be frightening, said Maloney, "Even when frivolous
lawsuits are eventually dismissed, it still costs the court valuable time
and wastes taxpayer money."
When our legal system is used for greed instead of justice, we end up
paying a "lawsuit tax" in the form of higher prices on everything we do and
buy — from toothpaste to healthcare insurance. These lawsuits may sound
funny, but when you realize that they cost us $2000.00 per person per year
it's downright scary.
Frivolous and abusive lawsuits are one American tradition we can live
without. When our courts are stuffed with frivolous lawsuit turkeys,
authentic victims with real injuries are denied their right to swift
justice.
Editor's Note: Michael Arnold Glueck submitted this week's column
